Alaskan residents

So we survived the Alaska DMV.  Actually there wasn't much to survive.  It's a well run machine and I didn't even have a chance to sit in an uncomfortable plastic chair!  We both got our AK drivers license.  I will go back and do the license plate later when I have my military documents (discounts for veterans).  
After that pleasant experience and a light lunch we checked out the gym close to our home and became members!  It's big!  It has an indoor pool, Joe wants to do laps, different workout classes...everything you'd want in a gym and more!  They have a lounge for relaxing and getting snacks :P. 
I checked in with my work and hopefully will hear something in about a week!  Fingers crossed.  Joe mentioned there is a reason for everything and since we don't have our household goods yet, maybe that is what is lining up.  We get our household stuff, get somewhat settled, and I start my job!  We will see.  Joe has applied for a few jobs and as of right now, no bites.
I went out on my own a little bit.  Got a massage, which was so needed... after a long road trip and sleeping on an air mattress.  Ugh I hate that thing already but I guess it's better than sleeping on the floor.  
I am a little surprised that with all of our downtime we are good.  My relationship with Joe routinely surprises me.  We can share space without being intrusive.  We give each other space when needed and support each other's individual needs.  I have had moments where I was in a sit and wait, similar to now, and it was torturous and seemed to last forever.  I was worried about things and irritable.  Not now, there are things that irritate me (air mattress) but that is it.  The days go by with a normal rhythm and we handle things and continue to find joy and happiness every day!

Grateful

There are moments, actually a lot of these are happening lately, where I am just awash with feelings of being grateful for my life and where and who I am now.  It's an amazing feeling.  Life can be so hard, full of trials, set backs and frustrations but when one is at peace in one's life all those things are just little blips.  
I am currently reading "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".  I'm reading it for my own therapeutic education and I don't like giving books to clients without reading them myself.  The last thing I want is someone to refer or ask a question about a book that I've given and I have no idea what they are talking about!  
I just finished chapter 4 and I am really liking it.  Like most things when it comes to therapy, it's the simple things that make the biggest impact and that awareness is SO important. Reading this I reflect on past relationships and on my current one.  Some of the "pointers" that have been mentioned in the book I see in myself but it's only happened with time, and I also see the negatives.  Things I've done in the past that was not conducive to ensuring the relationship was strong.  One of the main things is maintaining that friendship and staying curious about the other person.  Regularly having talks about anything under the sun and I see Joe and I doing this.  We'll have discussions about politics, religion, the meaning of it all.... sometimes we are not on the same page but we continue to respect each other as individuals and learn from each other's different perspectives.
There are exercises in the book and I'm excited to pull Joe into my therapeutic learning.  He's been game before, doing quizzes and exercises with me so I think he'll be down.  He's currently TDY in Alaska right now, comes back for a few days then back out to California.  
I am so grateful for the man in my life right now!  It's a blessing that we found ourselves back together after all of these years.

I'm also grateful for my friends and all the experiences I've had since leaving Utah.  

This month marked a year since I graduated from UofU.  Since then....I've retired from the AF, moved to North Carolina (got to see some awesome parts of that state), checked out Boston, hung out in Baltimore, moved to Florida, got a job working with military, got to see New Orleans and Savannah....I've had some stressors and sadness with losing Sami and seeing my parents divorce. But Sami is no longer struggling and my parents seem to have found happiness in their own way moving forward!  

Life is all about LIVING! The good, the bad, the ugly aspects of it and the struggle is not always searching for something, fighting what is happening, but being present and feeling what is meant to be felt and then letting it go making room for the next experience in your life.  It's taken me awhile to get to that, and I have moments and days where I can't let go or be present but I keep moving forward.  Because of the switch I have found moments of peace, more moments of happiness, and I feel truly blessed!

Crisis averted and societal norms

FINALLY had my follow up about my mammogram and the surgeon is going to request an MRI, no needles at this time :) Whoohoo!  The worst part of this was waiting to know something.  Even now I don't "know" anything but talking to someone about the results and they were able to reassure me that I don't have anything to worry about!

I've been doing errands, trying to take it easy on my days off this week.  I actually work 5 days in a row starting tomorrow! There was a contract that was advertised for Tyndall AFB that I've applied for.  It would be full time, Mon-Fri, with benefits. I enjoy where I am at now but being on Tyndall would get my foot in the door, stability, and weekends off!

So I've made an interesting observation the other day.  Joe had some stuff he needed to trade into Kay's jewlry store and he wanted me to pick out some stuff.  Joe and I are committed to each other and we like how things are without having people get into our business.  My work peeps are already making comments about weddings and what not *eye roll*.  I've been wearing a ring on my right hand the whole time we've been together as a symbol to me of my relationship with him.  He's asked me about rings and I told him if anything he can replace the one that I have now.  So after picking out some beautiful diamond earrings and having more money to play with, we picked out a ring together and I wear it on my right hand.  Now, one would think any new bling would be noticed but no.  If it's not on the left hand, that the "proper" finger then nothing is said LOL  Our society is so programmed that only certain things are important.  By the way, in Germany they wear their rings on the right hand :P  
I have three rows of diamonds, not one big one that stands out but a nice band and to make it even better it's a combination of two different sets so it's not something one goes into the store and they see.  It's simple but slightly unique, kinda like our relationship :P  It's nice to find ways to keep our relationship truly ours and close to our hearts without the drama that comes from other people's opinions on how things "should be".
I see so many post and what committed relationships should progress to....engagement, marriage... and everything is posted and these big things are done to "share the love with family".  At the end of the day the love and the relationships is between those two people, why is it so important to bring other people into that relationship.  We are together, we love each other, we are still individuals and our family can and does accept this part of our lives due to our happiness but all the hoopla and having everyone in our relationship.  
Nope, we are good!  

A pirate looks at 40

Well, I'm not a pirate and I'm not turning 40....but I'm just about there.  I will be turning 39 in a manner of weeks and whoa what a ride it's been thus far.  I've moved more times that I care to count and by the end of September I'll have another move tallied up!  I can't believe it, I'm already hunting for apartments and there is so much to do AGAIN! We want to downsize even more with this move so I need to start going through my stuff again.  I did keep some cold weather stuff/clothing which I can downsize :D  Yeah for Florida, no winter weather!  We have our must see NC items scheduled.  
I just returned from visiting a friend up near Boston and had a great time!  I thought when people talk of north easterners they embellish the "wicked" and other words.  They don't!  It is beautiful up there, all the towns but I would hate to live up there in the winter :(  We checked out Salem and some other historical areas.  My Mom lived up there as a little girl so it was nice to see some of the area.  We bought fresh lobster off the boat one day!  My first lobster eating experience!  I've avoided having lobster in restaurants, mainly because if I'm going out to eat I don't want to work that hard to get to my food!  So buying it off of the fisherman, then taking it back for some home cooking, and eating it outside with great people... it was worth the wait!  I was gone about 6 days and I was so happy to come back home!  
We have a somewhat chill weekend coming up then I'm heading to the Baltimore area to visit a friend there just for a long weekend.  I need to get all this visiting in now before I get a job! *fingers crossed* that the job happens soon after we get to FL.  I applied for a hospital social worker position this week and that would be great if I got that job!  
My life has never felt more surreal to me before!  Even living in different countries I've had moments of "wow, is this really happening to me" but it's not been constant. The compatibility that I have with Joe amazes me, the ease of our relationship is something I've always wanted but never lasted.  It's the little things.... Yesterday I texted Joe about dinner, asked about pork chops (I found a recipe) and he stated he wanted to grill them so I looked for some sides to go with.  He invited his friend John over (John's girl had other plans) and we were just going to hang out.  Joe gets home, seasons the chops, I get working on the homemade mac and cheese with Joe's assistance.  John shows up and he "monitors" Joe's grilling and I finish up with the mac and cheese, and broccoli.  We timed things wonderfully and it all finishes about the same time.  We sit down and the food was wonderful, conversation is easy...after dinner we did a quick clean up and move out to the porch.  The guys light up their cigars and I have a glass of wine.  Easy, comfortable, good times!  It starts to rain and we start to relocate to the garage, I tell Joe I'm going to go inside (I'm engaged in this book and I'm almost done) plus the guys were talking shop and well...I had enough of that.  No hard feeling and it was easy going. After John left Joe said they had some good conversations on relationships and other things, so I'm glad that I stepped away and they could have those conversations.  
A wonderful evening!  So comfortable, everyone was in a good mood, and the vibe was relaxed and comfortable!  
I am really blessed!

the little things

As I sit at my computer this Thursday morning, looking for jobs in Florida and drinking my coffee the rain is dumping outside.  There is something different about the storms here in NC, maybe it's being in the country but the rain is so refreshing out here.  Then again, I don't have to go out in it anywhere so that adds to the difference :P

Joe and I are planning another Richmond trip this weekend.  It's a short drive (3 hours) and our quick stop there just prompted us to want to spend more time there.  We've narrowed down our NC bucket list, the things we have to do prior to moving which due to his test date won't be toward the end of September.  We have some time, but next weekend I'll be up in Boston spending time with a friend so that will be so much fun!  Never been that far up the east coast :D

It's amazing how BIG little things are in relationships.  The other weekend we were getting a game plan together.  We talked about things to do prior to Saturday morning but we didn't narrow anything down and I had some stuff saved to my laptop.  We usually have our weekend coffee together at the table, talking about whatever and this morning I grabbed my laptop so we could narrow down some plans.  My battery started to die soon after getting started and Joe went and got my charger, but that's not the "little thing" that stuck with me.  After I sat down with my laptop and I was logging in he goes and gets my hair clip.  I tend to always have my hair twisted up around the house and when I'm on the computer it's a must :P  Not only did he get my hair clip he came back and twisted up my hair and clipped it.  All this without me saying a word except for thank you when he was done.  That is one of my memories that I will hold close to my heart, and will always give me a smile.  Appreciate the little things in your relationships, hold onto them more than any slight irritations that may happen.  :)

The summer months in the military brings a lot of going away shindigs and retirements.  I've gone to two retirements already and a few house parties that go along with that :P  This last one that I went to, Joe was the "MC" and he did a wonderful job.  The ceremony was in a hanger, so yes it was hot, but it went smoothly and everyone was happy especially the retiree and his family and that is what really counts.  One of Joe's friends was there to take pictures of the event and she hooked us up with some couple photos which we haven't gotten back yet :(  I'm excited to see the photos that she took. There was another photographer that took some photos and we kept a few of those.  Appreciating the little things is not only good advice for one's relationship but for life and general.  The military life has and is good to me and my connection to that life is never taken for granted.  Sitting in retirement ceremonies are touching to me and this one was  no different!

Joe liked this one because that's me :D

I took this one, and what a great backdrop for a retirement ceremony!

Joe and I both like this one.  The Airman's hands are rough and beat up holding something so dear to us all.  This is what the military is-a bunch of individuals working their butts off for this country!

Life is short, we age, we get comfortable but we can choose to keep living life to the fullest.  Taking in the little things, appreciating the beauty of a NC thunderstorm, that has now cleared by the way ;) We make choices every day in our lives, and I choose to be happy!

A theory of love....

Going through my blog "drafts" I found this one that I started and this morning I was thinking of this very same thing...

I'm not going to "post" this till later but I wanted to just put it out there in the cyber universe.  

This afternoon I saw "The Theory of Everything" and it was a wonderful movie.  It got me thinking and choking on emotion.

I am in the midst of separating from Shane.  By the time I post this, it will be over and we'll be separated.  Walking home from the movie I couldn't help but think about love and finding your "one".  The movies always paint this beautiful picture of falling in love, people just KNOW.  These stories have to come from somewhere right?!  Seeing someone and just knowing that they are your fit without a doubt!

I've been stumbling my way through love, and through life, trying to find that "fit".  Am I stumbling due to my own mental hang ups in relationships or have I failed to find my fit? I had a friend say to me, after one of my hard break ups, is that he admires me because throughout my trip ups, I am still hopeful in finding that perfect fit for me.  Is it the true love of movies and make believe, I don't know... but I have to believe that I will know it deep in my soul that I've found my fit.  

Endings are always hard, even if they are for the best.  My heart is heavy today for this good-bye that is coming but I know this is what needs to be.  I'm not going to be happy and he's not going to be happy.  He is not my fit.

I also had a couple of saved quotes:
"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston (1891-1960) American Novelist, Playwright, Anthropologist .

"All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919) American Writer, Poet, Journalist

So I probably wrote this around January and a lot has happened since then.  In January I spent some time with an old friend in North Carolina, Joe.  We first met in Okinawa, both of us were stationed together there.  There has been three people in my life whom I've been drawn to instantly: one in high school, Joe, and another person while I was going through some training.  Never acted on the one in high school, and the one during some training didn't pan out but Joe was a different story.  We were together off and on for three years.  We had our drama, but there was something that fit with him so well even back then.  The way we communicated and were with each other, it was comfortable and we fit in such an amazing way.  Due to circumstances and the military way, we both went our separate ways.  Over the years we would touch base with one another, check in and see where each other was in life.  He's had a few marriages and his own handful of relationship trips, like me.  He was suppose to have a work trip to Hill AFB in Utah but then I didn't hear anything so I checked in with him, the trip was canceled but we started emailing back and forth.  He was actually in Germany at the time visiting friends.  We kept it friendly and he realized that I was going through some things and he was a good friend giving me support in my decisions to work on my relationship.  He offered me a reprieve from things, to give me a break from everything.  He is renting a house in NC, and had room to spare and an extra car..he even offered to go stay at a friends house while I was here if I really needed some down time away from everything.  Joe offered that out and at first I wasn't going to go.  During this time, I was seeing a psychologist for some individual therapy to help me work through some of my relationship stuff and get me back on track.  

In one of my lasts sessions with the psychologist we talked about following my gut, which I don't really do...my "mind" gets in the way and I over think things or rationalize things.  We broke out my "process" and we talked about a time when I followed my gut and didn't listen to my over rational mind.  The time when I really did that was when I volunteered to India.  We looked at that and broke that down and it's my goal to keep listening to my gut.  So..... when Joe brought up a break for me, and offered me a safe place for a little bit to reset and recharge, I took some time and thought about it and decided to take him up on his offer.

I hadn't really seen Joe since we were stationed in Okinawa, we exchanged pictures every now and then but physically been around him...it's been 13 years or so.  So with a big case of nerves, but excited to get a break I flew out to NC.  

There are people in our lives that we meet and it's like we've always been together, people that it doesn't matter how many years have passed we always fall back into an easy relationship, where the communication flows smoothly and there is a comfort that is indescribable.  I had to fly into Charlotte and we had a wee bit of a drive to get to his house.  That whole drive was comfortable, we talked freely about so many things, and didn't even noticed that we had rung in 2015 with each other because we were talking so much.  The whole trip was relaxed and comfortable and exactly what I needed at that time.  We did some sight seeing, he took me to the beach :D and just enjoyed doing whatever came up with no set plans.

Making it back to Utah, I had my last semester to finish at school.  Shane and I were still going through our break up.  We had agreed that we had broken up already but he was getting things set up for his move so we were still in the apartment together.  It was hard...

Joe and I kept our communication and he attempted to retire early so he could move to Utah but was denied.  When that happened, my automatic response was that I'd move out to NC.  I will have graduated, retired from the military, and will be in between looking for jobs.... so "why not".  

Towards the end of May, Joe came out and we moved to NC.  I've been here for almost a couple of months now and I'm still amazed at how "we" are, how we fit, how we communicate, and our love. We've had a rough road to get here which allows us both to appreciate what we have that much more.

I've never gave my stock into fairy tales, the romantic stories in movies but now.... I feel that I'm truly blessed with a love that stories are written of.   We found our way back to each other.... I don't question it and have finally fell into my "fit".

During our emails back and forth before moving out to NC we would find random quotes that explained things that we couldn't.... here are some felt truths we shared:

Grey area vs Retirement

I've been in NC for a month and I'm not going crazy even with all of my "down time".  I am actually enjoying figuring out dinners and flexing my cooking muscles.  I am able to find the little things amusing about the area, Joe helps with that.  When I was talking with the vet about Sami's ultrasound, she asked me if I needed to talk with my "husband" before making an appointment.  I had to chuckle at that and explained that I would go ahead and schedule the appointment.  I guess it's the norm that the woman has to talk things over with "the man" before making major financial decisions :P  Sami's test came back good but with some slight elevations so she's on some meds for a wee bit. Hopefully it won't be forever.  Sami girl will be 11 in Aug, she's an old lady.  They are living the good life!

As for my pet boarding hunt...I found some places but due to the limited selection around here, during the holidays these places are booked two months out! OMG!  Ugh... so I'm not sure what Joe and I will be doing over the 4th, he was going to talk with some folks and we will see.  

The other day weekend Joe and I checked out Wake Forest for a car show.  It was in the old historic downtown.  We both expected a small little thing but it was big!  That area was pretty and the downtown was cute.  After walking around looking at all the cars we had some good seafood at Backfins Crabhouse.  It was a beautiful day!

Our weekends are so short :(  We've gone on some rides around the country.  It's peaceful being out in the open air.  We went riding with Chris one Sunday and then grilled out.  When we go over to Chris's house we usually take Sami, his daughter likes her, and I feel bad for leaving Sami alone if I don't have to.  Plus we always hang out outside so it's a good time for her.

This past week I did a little venturing on my own.  Checked out Wilmington NC and then one of the aquariums here in the state.  I really liked that city and Joe and I will probably go back.  It's right on river, a lot of cute shops, and fun restaurants.  Plus all the historic buildings and mansions were beautiful.  

on the river walk of Wilmington

looking across the river to the USS North Carolina

this a bed and breakfast!  

love all the random history and beauty of this area

I'm enjoying my free time but I'm getting ready to get back into the workforce, but there is a "wait and see" thing that is going on right now.  Hopefully we will hear something soon and it will help to give me a focus on what is next for Joe and I.  I am going to visit a friend up in Boston here next month. I should take advantage of this free time I have right  now and it's great that Joe is supportive of when I get an itch to visit a friend on the east coast or checking out a nearby city.  

I'm amazed every day at how different my relationship with Joe is... we are both completely all in.  We are truly together and invested in each other's happiness as individuals and as a couple.  Joe sent me this quote awhile ago and it's been sitting on my desktop.  It's so true and it's great to be able to be all in... I'd rather have the wild, fearless, passion of life and the heartache that could come than just existing.  Life is about living it to the fullest and taking those chances and risks!

Point of view

When I would tell people that I was moving to NC, I got a range of responses and they were usually to the extreme... either very negative heavy or positive.  To each their own, and I appreciate all points of views and concerns.  It is very possible by moving here I will have a delay in my career but it's not going to stop it.  I just heard today from a possible work connection that getting jobs with supervision here in NC is hard to do :( Well, guess I will focus my searching to USAjobs then :P  There HAS to be jobs with supervision in this state! Just saying.... so that could be my first job hurdle here but I'm not stressing... yet.

I will continue to look for jobs and enjoy my new surrounding.  I have yet to pick up the southern ear, and find myself saying "what" a lot due to them using words in different ways OR words I've never heard before :P  I did graduate high school in VA but that was eons ago and well, things change :P

The joys of country living comes with country driving.  I'm not new to the random tracker on the road that slows up traffic until you get to a spot that you can pass them.  They got some high tech looking farm equipment on the road here.  I snapped a pic but got a new phone so I'll get another one later so you'll know what I'm talking about :P

Monday I got to catch up with a friend from back in the day.  We were friends in the P.I. and we had no issues picking up where we left off :)  Good peeps!  We may be able to meet up at a beach house with her and her family this summer!  I need to find a picture of us back in the day for a comparison :D

Being a self proclaimed city girl, those that know me were concerned with this move to NC and to the country.  Although I am a city girl, I can totally appreciate the wonders of the country and being on the east coast with all of it's rich history.  I see the history everywhere, in the houses and in the "feel" of the place.  No, I'm not going to plant my roots here but I will enjoy the experience.  For example, this past Sunday Joe and I were sitting on the back porch sharing a bottle of wine while he tried out a couple of cigars from his cigar fest that weekend.  Nothing beats not being tied to electronics, sitting in the country air, sharing a good conversation, and when the sun sets watching the show that nature provides via the fireflies.  Yep, that's a great evening.

This pic is of course not of our back yard but we do have a row of tall trees behind our fence and I was amazed that the fireflies go all the way to the top of the trees!  I love the beauty of nature!  You can't capture that or buy that feeling or view!

This quote was from the natural science museum in Raleigh.  :D

We are not t.v. people.  We will watch movies, but we have no cable so we actually spend time with one another and we talk and share things with each other and listen.  It's truly amazing and I'm blessed to have this.  Just last night after Joe and I had dinner, one of his friends came by and it was porch sitting and talking.  I feel that living life is embracing one's environment and the people around it, not being sucked into technology.  It's so sad to me to see people, to see couples, glued to their phones in public :(  I don't want to be that couple and I won't be!

Tonight we're off to see Mumford & Sons in an outdoor amphitheatre :D  It's going to be awesome!

a year of change

     So there is a lot going on in 2015 for me.  I started out-processing the military today and will finish up in May.  I will be officially retired on 14 Aug 2015!  I am graduating with my MSW on 8 May 2015.  I am ending my internship at the Vet Center on 22 April...and then it's moving on to something new.

     Not only is there a lot of things coming up for me in the future, I have a lot of change and growth in the last few months.  I have grown as a person and now understand how selfish I have been in past relationships, that I was never all in.  No relationship can grow and be true if individuals are not focused on the "us" and are not all in.  Yes it's taken me almost 39 years to figure this out, and multiple broken hearts, but I finally feel like I'm in a good place....with me and the path that I'm on.

     I am open to the "what ifs" and the "why not" in life, I am going to have more yes than  no in my dialogue.  I don't want to look back on my life and regret not taking a chance or making a move so 2015 is going to a wonderful year of challenges and new experiences.  

     I have two more weeks of school... a lot of stuff to do and then I will be done.  Time to start a new chapter of my life!

A little catch up on a rainy day

So it's been raining all day, already did some homework so I figured I'd try to update this little ol' blog of mine.

First off: resolutions for the New Year.  Looking back to my post last year I'm probably going to carry over a majority of my resolutions.
Be More Earth Friendly I can always improve on this.  I do try to more local goods than not, and I pay attention to what I am buying and where it comes from.  This is hard and it's a major commitement and it will be a resolution until I die I think :P
Stay focus on my goals My goals last year were: get my own place, start on my Masters degree, take a kick ass vacation somewhere in the world, try to be a vegetarian.  I did really good with staying focused!
I did get my own cute little apartment in Salt Lake City, I currently taking my third class toward my MPH, and I did try to be a vegetarian.  The kick ass vacation.... umm, had some work trips to Ohio and went to Missouri for Christmas.  I'm thinking those don't count :P
Goals for this year: continue with my MPH, take a kick ass vacation, and work out more often.
I so need to get in shape!

I think that's good enough for the resolutions.  We'll see how well I do with these!

Codi wasn't a big fan of getting geared up for Christmas since we were going to Missouri, but like a normal parent, Shane made him participate in decorating the tree, putting up lights, and of course taking pictures.  There was also one where he is rolling his eye, but this sarcastic smile was better! LOL

This was the tree at Shane's parents house.  We also had stockings stuffed to overflowing!  We (Shane and I) were brought coffee in bed so we'd get up so we could open presents.  I would like to note that #1 the sun wasn't even up yet and #2 the youngest "kid" was 19 years old I believe!  There was NO need to be up that early to open presents when there are no children younger than 5 in the vicinity!  Needless to say we spent all morning opening presents.  I felt very welcomed due to I had my own stocking and presents, I made out pretty well too!  After presents, Shane and I took a nap! 

We had one night that we went to a local bar so Shane's friends in the area could all meet up.  Granted, with it being the holidays it's a little difficult.  I got to meet some of his high school friends, and there was a mechanical bull there so the boys had to play.....

Overall the trip to Missouri and down to Oklahoma to visit family and friends was good.  Busy but nice to meet everyone, and also see my family (it's only about a 4 hour drive to my family down in Oklahoma from his folks house).  We returned back to Utah still liking each other after our travels, so that's a good thing too!

I really wanted to see the downtown lights for the holidays but with our schedules and traveling it wasn't looking too good.  I was happy to see the lights still up after the new year so one night we did a quick detour to walk through and see  the lights.  It was also a bonus going this late due to lack of crazy crowds!

When we were taking the above photo, a tourist (had a thick accent) said, "Oh facebook photo".  I guess this self portraits are now deemed FB Photos! hahaha

So.... that's the end of the year update that is late in coming :P

Quick Catch Up

I started a post a few days ago and saved it so it this post wouldn't turn out so long with updates and New Year stuff....but that didn't turn out like I planned.  


Here is what I started ;)

WOW!  I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve updated my blog!  I’ve been busy busy.  I’ve finished and passed two classes towards my master’s degree. GO ME!  Working hard with the Utah Air National guard getting our homeland security mission stood up.  

Not me but I did get to do this also

ME!

Spending available time with Shane, friends and family.  On top of all that it’s the holiday season, so my life has been on full blast lately.  My class ended on this past Saturday with a 11 page paper being due but I have a school break until 10 January :)  In a couple of days Shane, Codi, and I are flying out to Missouri to visit his family and friends, and spend a few days with my family.  It’s really convenient that our families are somewhat close together!

Trying to remember what has been going on these past couple of weeks ;)  Halloween ended up being really low key.  I think I was getting over not feeling well, got a sinus infection back in October, so we went to another haunted house and then a couple of bars and called it a night.  We didn’t dress up or anything   :( That’s o.k., it was fun seeing everyone else’s costumes.  Sometimes it’s fun to be around a bunch of happy people and just chill and watch the festivities!

November flew by.  Spent turkey day with the Brown’s.  I went down to their house the night before so I could hang out and also help prep/cook for Turkey day.  Shane and Codi came down and the Stenseth’s were over for the festivities.  We had a good time.  Played pin the hat on the turkey, and eventually ended up in the basement for karaoke and some Wii.  Codi turned 18 right after Thanksgiving so we went out to dinner with a few of his friends.  They were hilarious but then tiring, by the time we got back to the house (dinner was in SLC) Shane and I were both ready for some low key silence.  Even one of Codi’s friends who was really quiet the whole time, said they are always “on” with their comments/jokes/etc. 

Any free time on the weekends, if it isn’t spent doing homework has been spent shopping.  Not much of a gift giver during Christmas…usually just get what I want during the year and if I see something for someone else get it then…and most of the people I know usually don’t have things that they want but this year…I’ve been a gift buying fool.  We put up a little tree at Shane’s and decorated it, much to Codi’s argument of “we aren’t even going to be here for Christmas”.  But, we are going to open presents on Wednesday before we go to Missouri.  And well…good thing that little tree is up on a table cuz it’s would have been dwarf by the presents thus far!  Shane says we’ll have plenty more to open at his house along with stockings! With all this going on, going down to my parents house will be an oasis of relaxation!

Christmas in Utah

Shane’s unit had their holiday party this month and it was 20’s theme.  We had fun dressing up but the party was a wee bit of a bust.  Once all the gifts were given away, everyone took off :(  Not much dancing or drinking.  Not that I would have danced that much, my feet are a little out of practice when it comes to wearing heels!  Living in slippas (flip flops) for almost three years in Hawaii really put a crimp in my heel wearing stamina!

I'll get to a holiday/new year post here soon.  Downloaded a bunch of photos that I'll need to sort and tag.

Riddle me this....

What grown man wears a sweatshirt with Tigger on it for a first date?

Come on Utah? You can do better than this! Thanks for the interesting evening LOL

Love my guy friends

I had a nice relaxing morning and I was IMing with some friends via Facebook.  My one guy friend I've know for about 6 years now.  We met while stationed overseas, he was married at the time and so was I.  He's a kick ass medic so we got a long well and he's been a good friend.  At one point he even diagnosed my illness via skype :P When I was in some military training near him we hung out a little and due to the less than safe surrounds he gave me a nice little knife-which I still have.  Good to have friends like that.  


We had a repeat conversation today.  He asked me if I was happy and I told him even though I'm in this in-between status of my life chapters, I am happy.  He then asked if I had a new man in my life.  I told him I want a job and my own apartment first :P I then added that I'm not missing it, the boyfriend thing.  I have moments when I miss that companionship with a man but overall I'm happy and I don't feel as though something is missing in my life.  I told him I was on a manbreak ;) He said my last man boycott lasted a LONG time (that's relative but anyway) and that I am too hot to keep this boycott going for long...it's not fair to mankind.  I told him to brief his fellow men on the importance of honesty and respect.  He agreed but then pointed out that I may have my radar stuck on asshat.  He may have a point.  


So this man break is to reset my life and my mandar.  Either way, I'm in no hurry to jump back into the relationship thing.  I'm enjoying things as is :D

AH HA moment of the day

Today was group presentation day in my psychology class, Personal Relationships.  I'm not one for group presentations but we came together nicely.  Our topic was break ups.  If I didn't have to have 5 references for the paper I could have just written about my own history, I got plenty of stories.  But anyhoo, one person discussed stalking.
Up until this point this was just something on the t.v., in movies, heard stories about, and sometimes discussed in class.  I never thought that I was a victim of it.  WELL, due to the presentation I realized I have been a victim of stalking! What the hell?!  And, better yet, the universe couldn't have given me this message at a better time.  Why? cuz I've been starting to mentally ferment on some past stuff, past relationships, and asking the dumb questions of "why" things have played out they way they have with this one past relationship.  It's stupid to ask these questions (I know this) or even entertain the thoughts. Bottom line is it wasn't ment to be.  AND now I know, he was a freakn' stalker.  Not a kill your bunny rabbit, or try to kill you stalker but he was the subdued annoying type of stalker.  I won't go into detail but standing up in front of class, listening to my classmate define the different types of stalking I had to stop from laughing out loud. I couldn't have drawn a better picture of this individual.  Granted I doubt he would classify his actions as stalking, do they ever?
Regardless, it's in the past and due to that one presentation I have an even better picture of the disfunction of that past relationship :)  Thanks classmate for doing that presentation on stalking!

Break from school work

For a mental break I'd figure I'd blog.  Yesterday I went and worked in a taro patch.  Taro is what poi is made out of.  It was a beautiful morning, of course :D

We started the usual way, standing in a circle and getting educated about the place.  We also start with a chant in that we thank the ancestors and also ask for help and guidance in our activities.  We were split up into two groups.  One group focused on the clearing out marshlands and my group was working in the taro patches.

Notice the nice rows and the water?  They are grown similar to rice.  We worked at "de-weeding" some taro patches to where you could barely tell they were taro patches.  The guy informed us to keep our shoes on due to glass.  The first patch we worked in was muddy but not watery, so no worries.  The next  patch was watery and extremely overgrown.  We took our shoes off.  We had little fishes nibbling at our feet and we came across a crawfish!  At that point I tried to keep my feet above the water :P  Plus there were a lot of creepy crawlies in the water and mud.  Made for interesting weeding.  I worked with some other students in my class.  The conversation flowed and it was a good morning.

It was a good morning of hard work and I needed it to take my mind off of some stuff that was just lingering and I was having a problem shaking.  Exhausted from the morning I was scheduled to meet with my statistics teacher at 2 to go over some issues I had with the last test (I didn't do too well).  Well, she never showed and I called her and left a message.  I was just physically tired and at this point just emotionally drained.  I was also going to do a field trip this morning (sunday) cuz I need the hours... but I'll get to that a minute.
After a long saturday morning, mr.man asked if I wanted to hang out.  I wasn't too stoked on driving out there but I knew I needed a mental break from everything so I headed out.  We ended up going bowling with a group of folks.  It was fun and we were there till the place closed.  Actually we were there finishing our game till after 1am :)  Good group of folks, and it was just what I needed to be able to refocus on school work.
Driving home this morning I checked my email and I saw that the field trip that was scheduled for this morning was canceled!  Now I don't feel so guilty for skipping out, WOOT!  I love when the universe helps me out!  I just have to remember to relax, breathe, and not overly stress.
It was so good to get out, not think of school, and get a good cuddle.
Now it's school work, papers, I have a test tomorrow.... one thing at a time!

Queen of Clubs

WOW!
o.k.  I get on this random dating website online to chit chat and maybe find some folks to hang out with before I head out.  something to break the monotony of school work ;)

So, this one guy randomly asked me my birthday.  Actually he guessed... wrong, then he tried again... wrong and so I told him and his response "a double queen of clubs".  Um... yeah I don't know what that means so I go to google....


Always positive and strong of will, the Queen of Clubs are practical and decisive in their application of knowledge. Likewise, their quest for knowledge is insatiable,and they are impatient and intolerant of ignorance or mental laziness in others.
The women Queen of Clubs are not domestic; they don't know the meaning of subservience let alone play the part!   i read this part and LAUGHED OUT LOUD!
And the male Queen of Clubs, although seldom lacking in sympathy, need to learn to handle their tempers!
All are natural leaders in any profession they follow.
Besides their deep urge for a personal love, the Queen of Club craves financial success for the respect it brings. They are generous and good spenders, and prefer to make money by their own efforts.



Anyhoo.... this website has been interesting, let's hope my last few months on this island is more interesting than stressful :P

First Friday

First friday in Chinatown is art night.  The galleries stay open late, there is good food, a protest (tonight was about the right to choose), and great people watching.  Shan had a piece in a gallery so when I mentioned going this Friday cuz I didn't have drill she said she wanted to check it out anyway.  We hit all the art galleries that were open, but with it being Good Friday things weren't as busy but busy enough for us to head over to Aloha Tower for some food to get away from the crowds.  But that is neither here nor there.

This is mainly another post about changing one's point of view/perspective.....

Talking with Shan about the latest and greatest mr.man, she corrected me when I said "I was dumped" and she was like NO, you broke it off.  Which is true.  He told me the situation and I chose not to continue with the relationship.  I don't know if he would have continued on if I was willing, to me that wasn't an option.  As soon as he explained the situation, my first thought was... I'm not going there again, been there done that and I'm done.  I deserve better and that was that, my mind was made up.  I explained how I felt, he respected and understood that, we hung out a little more and then when he left we even kissed as we parted ways.  Now, I wish ALL breakups would go that smoothly and nice :D

It's amazing how little words have so much power.  To go from I was dumped, to I made the decision to end it.... the whole feeling of it changes.  Granted I wasn't crying in my wine over the situation, I do miss him, which is normal.... but it wasn't meant to be.

So, once again... art, good food, good company makes a woman healthy, wealthy (not so much), and wise :P

Home Sweet Home... not so much

I think I should change the purpose of this blog to be about relationships :P This post will probably jump around cuz I didn't sleep very well last night. Got to get use to the city noise and sirens again...

But let me backup....

My overall week in Utah was very nice and relaxing, and that is always a good vacation. I was ready to come home, but then I wasn't. I'm not looking forward to the school work and the crazy few months that I have ahead of me. There is so much to do and when I think of it all I get overwhelmed. But I've made it through worse, something that I said to mr.man last night and it's the truth, both about life and about relationships.

Before I even left I felt like something wasn't right about my current dating guy, but I am not a nagger so I left Hawaii thinking some of his actions were odd but then again we were in the beginning of dating so there is usually a lot of that going on till you get use to someone. The first couple of days we had the normal text traffic and then he fell off the face of the earth.

Ladies.... I don't care who you are but from my experirence when the guys don't respond back it could mean a few things:

1) he's in the hospital (this has yet to be an outcome but it's a possibility)

2) he's in jail (see #1) plus if a guy you are dating is ending up in jail for days at a time, you might want to rethink dating him

3) he's going through some mental anguish

4) he's talking to his ex/another girl

5) he's just an ass

Needless to say, it's usually 3 or 4 OR a combination of the two. I have yet to date a complete ass even though that is debatable if they are talking to other girls and not informing you of this "open" type dating but it could be worse I suppose. At least this latest and greatest told me about it right off the bat. Kudos to him for the honest, something that has been lacking in men lately.

Not sure why guys don't want to tell you the truth. Is it the greedy nature of wanting the cake and eating it to? The "i don't want to loose you" fear? Or is it cuz they want to keep you on as a "back up plan". Regardless all those "reasons" will bite you in the ass one way or another, especially if you are pulling that with a strong woman.

So, it was SO REFRESHING to have honesty. It doesn't make the situation hurt any less but I'm proud of myself for being receptive but firm in that I'm not continuing with the situation as is. Who the heck knows what the future holds but I'm not staying in the situation. Usually I try to be the "cool, understanding, sportive, female friend". Don't get me wrong, I shared more of my thoughts on the situation that I would have in the past, but it's not my problem to solve so I'm done with it.

So, I am allowing myself for it to be a sucky day for today. I will be lazy, I will crawl into my bed overflowing with my comforting pillows and blankets and I was morn the passing of what was. But tomorrow I will move on. I always do.

I've heard this from numerous guy friends (yes it is possible to have guy friends that have no physical connection with you)... they give me kudos for not being bitter about this whole love/dating/relationship thing. They say this cuz they know my background/history when it comes to men. It's getting harder not to be cynical about it though. I'm getting better and listening to my gut, so that's a good thing.... but the overall hope for that love with that special person that will be my partner in crime, it's harder to hold on to.

I'm back to my "one-man wolf pack" :P