Patience and Cider

It's Saturday morning, I am slightly dehydrated from a bottle of wine last night sucking out my moisture but I sit here with my coffee with a splash of yummy salted Carmel Kailua.  I look out in front of me to the sun creepy over the snow covered mountains and I am happy!  This sun loving, gotta be by the beach girl is happy in Alaska!  Before moving here our friend Adam told Joe that Alaska will steal your heart!  He spoke a hard truth and we are grateful to have this experience.

We have begun to live with the belief that we must not fight life, we need to be open to it, embrace the moment, and not force something that is not working.  Neither one of us ever thought we'd be living in Alaska, let alone loving and embracing Alaska and all that she has to offer!

My work hasn't changed much but I am working on myself in that regard.  Instead of focusing on my frustrations and irritations I just do what I can, learn what I can, and be open to what I can do.  I've talked to some head people and they are aware of my frustrations and that I am eager to be engaged so that is all I can do.  Apparently I have started work here in an stage of change so roles and responsibilities are being clarified and tweaked.  it's a government job so nothing moves forward in a fast manner so I am choosing to embrace the situation and have patience.  I have no control over others or the process just myself.  That is something we try to instill in our clients as therapist but sometimes we get caught up in life and forget that truth ourselves.



Last weekend I had the blessing of volunteering at Survivor's Day.  It's a day, that is set aside nationally, for those people that have lost someone due to suicide.  It's was a touching day with movies, actives for remembrance, and of sharing of grief and strength.  This was their 4 year of doing it here in Anchorage, I believe, and when it started there were more volunteers than participants.  This year it has grown and there was a good amount of people.  It's good that the word is getting out, it's not strongly advertised, but sad at the same time.  The high schools here have had a hard year of students dying by suicide which was heart braking to hear about, and frustration to here that people don't want to talk about in the schools or take any preventive measures.  It does seem like with this year of loss, the the students themselves are making a change and there is also some change from the higher ups to address it.  So although the loss has been great, there are finally some action to help the kids.




This past Monday we had a fun night of cider and chocolate pairing at the local cidery.  They worked with a local chocolate shop and it was amazing!  9 ciders and 9 truffles!  I was a happy girl!  The hardest part was waiting while they set out the ciders and chocolates!  
Last night we had dinner with our other neighbors, a newlywed couple from Colorado.  We had an evening of finger food, good drinks, and good conversations!  Our condo is small, only four units and one is an air&b so it's awesome to me that we've made friends and broke bread with our neighbors.  





We have been here in Alaska for 2 months! We have done and experienced more than what we had in Florida, and we've interacted more with our neighbors!  I can't believe it's only been 2 months! We are just getting started!

Alaskan residents

So we survived the Alaska DMV.  Actually there wasn't much to survive.  It's a well run machine and I didn't even have a chance to sit in an uncomfortable plastic chair!  We both got our AK drivers license.  I will go back and do the license plate later when I have my military documents (discounts for veterans).  
After that pleasant experience and a light lunch we checked out the gym close to our home and became members!  It's big!  It has an indoor pool, Joe wants to do laps, different workout classes...everything you'd want in a gym and more!  They have a lounge for relaxing and getting snacks :P. 
I checked in with my work and hopefully will hear something in about a week!  Fingers crossed.  Joe mentioned there is a reason for everything and since we don't have our household goods yet, maybe that is what is lining up.  We get our household stuff, get somewhat settled, and I start my job!  We will see.  Joe has applied for a few jobs and as of right now, no bites.
I went out on my own a little bit.  Got a massage, which was so needed... after a long road trip and sleeping on an air mattress.  Ugh I hate that thing already but I guess it's better than sleeping on the floor.  
I am a little surprised that with all of our downtime we are good.  My relationship with Joe routinely surprises me.  We can share space without being intrusive.  We give each other space when needed and support each other's individual needs.  I have had moments where I was in a sit and wait, similar to now, and it was torturous and seemed to last forever.  I was worried about things and irritable.  Not now, there are things that irritate me (air mattress) but that is it.  The days go by with a normal rhythm and we handle things and continue to find joy and happiness every day!

It's been awhile....

Wow!  The last post was in August 2016!  I have been busy living life so I cannot complain one bit!  A quick run down/update....
-still working towards my LCSW in Panama City Florida
-Joe will retire October of this year
-2016 ended awesomely
     -had an awesome vaca visiting the UK and Ireland in September

     -had some Halloween fun in PCB

     -had a great visit with my Mom

     -learned how to ride and promptly bought a bike!

     -took my first cruise

     -rung in 2017 in New Orleans

Things have slowed down in 2017, mainly due to needing to build my back account back up from all that fun!  We've been working hard but we have a trip to Miami in a couple of weeks so we have to balance work and fun!

Birthday Month!

It seems like I'm posting after an adventure and we are having more and more of them :P  Last post was the beginning of July and here I am at the end of August.  I turned 40 this month and Joe turned 41!  He had a TDY to Atlantic City so I flew up there and had a long weekend checking out another new place.  Bonus was that I didn't even have to pay for the plane ticket!  It was a free trip with my credit card rewards....Happy Birthday to me!  
Even though we are always out and about we also have fun here in PCB.  There are days where we just need to get out of our apartment and enjoy the local places and music.  One of our regulars is Buster's Beer and Bait, and yes Buster has both of those things!  He has great outside seating and regular live bands!  

What's not to like :)  On weekends we will go for bike rides, out to a breakfast spot and then wherever we end up riding!  I'm all about exercising that doesn't feel like exercise! 

We enjoyed Atlantic City but we were also sadden by how run down it was.  It still had it's charm but we could see how amazing it use to be.  Talking to a local barista he said it's due to casinos being everywhere nowadays and not just Vegas, Reno, and Atlantic City...and of course politics :(  I got there early afternoon and once we checked in we did a walk around and figured out a show to see.  Ended up seeing a very good burlesque show after some tapas.  The next day it was a pool day and we scored a cabana platform (which is normal $75) for free!  Nothing like laying around a rooftop pool on couches drinking mojitos!  We walked the boardwalk that night, stopping where ever for drinks, hookah, food.... and good people watching!  

Second time doing hookah!  First time was in Baltimore with my girl Natalie!  This time we sat on the boardwalk, had drinks, and watched the city go by!

Had to have a little fun!  

Happy birthday people!

Before flying out we did a quick visit of Philly, a city we want to go back and explore further!  

It's always hard to come back into adulthood and our jobs :( but again... we make the most of being here. This past weekend we finally got out and did some stand up paddle boarding!  It was fun and relaxing!  We'll be doing it again for sure! 

 In 20 days we'll be checking in for our Ireland/Scotland trip!  Work is just a means to fuel our adventures! Loving my life!

Troubling path

It's been a couple of days since my appointment for my MRI results.  These past couple of days I spent working long hours so it was a blessing of sorts.  So I had my MRI, with contrast, on both breast the other week.  I was told the results would be sent to the provider that day but I knew I would need to give her a day or two to review them.  I got a call with an appointment for this Tuesday to get the results.  That in itself is always stress inducing but I am forcing myself to take the news as it comes and not get caught up in the "what ifs" or focusing on negatives.
My appointment was not the best, mainly because the appointment was scheduled for 2:15 and I didn't see the doctor until close to 6!  I shit you not!  If it wasn't my MRI results I would have walked out!  When she walked in she was apologetic and I explained I can understand how busy she is but if I would have gotten some "check ins" or updates from her staff I would have been a little less irritated about the wait.  She acknowledged this and went on...  So my right boob got cleared via the MRI, she'll get a re check via an ultrasound in 6 months.  The left is problematic and I will be getting a biopsy on lefty.  Not sure when that is happening but I'll be calling the office tomorrow to get an update.
Of course this progression is nerve racking but then I just check myself and remind myself that negative thoughts and "what ifs" are not beneficial and do not help but can actually harm.  I challenge myself to meet each situation as it is and look at what I can do so I can press forward.
Additionally I keep living my life and enjoying things... at the end of the month we are planning a trip to check out Tampa and this past weekend we bought our tickets to check out England, Ireland, and Scotland!!! I've already paid off my cruise for December :)  Good times ahead even if I have to get my boobs prodded and cut on! LOL

Interesting blessings

Enjoying Florida while I am here.  Yesterday I utilized Meetup.com and joined some folks checking out some caverns here in Florida.  It was a beautiful park and the people were nice.  It's such a small world.  I do these things to try and meet new people, get out of the military circle and over half of the group was military :( Oh well...it gives us something common to talk about :P  After the cavern tour I went with them and had lunch.  It was a nice morning.  Came home and did some cleaning.  

Today it was beach day!  Spent about 3 hours at the beach before getting some froyo and taking a well deserved nap on the couch.  I have to laugh about the "diversity" here in Florida.  At the beach, one of the guys next to me had an ankle monitor on!  That was a first!  Then when I was walking back to my truck, a young woman with her husband and child was next to me and I noticed dip in her teeth!  Not chip dip but I'm talking about skoal dip!  I can only shake my head and focus back on the beauty of the beaches here and that it's only a 10 min drive for me to be there!
Life is a truly amazing gift.  Living in the moment and appreciating all that I have allows me to be truly happy!

not going to miss January

January has not been nice to me.  Prior to New Years I had a cough, a throat tickle that just lingered.  After the 1st it grew into a head cold that progressively got worse no matter what I did or medications I tried.  Around 14 Jan my teeth started to hurt with all of my sinus pressure so it was off to the urgent care to get some prescription meds.... oh and during this time is when I let Ms. Sami go :(  

With steroids and antibiotics on board my head cold started to clear up! YEAH!  I started to feel better to the point of that I starting to work out!  On the 18th I did some elliptical work and the next day did a PiYo workout.  I was on the upswing of a rough January and then it felt like I got hit by a Mac truck!  

I was sore, I knew I would be due to working out, but this was abnormal.  It progressively got worse on the 20th.  My whole body ached, my head was pounding, and I was running a slight fever.  I laid on the couch with a cool compress on my head and Joe asked "do we need to go to the ER", no.... let me make it through the night and see how I feel in the morning. He was concerned but respected what I said...and after I recovered he told me that I scared the shit out him that night :(  Thursday morning I woke up, still weak and in pain.  I slowly got up and when I looked in the mirror it looked as if I had a severe sunburn.  I had a solid rash from my neck down...I was having an allergic reaction to the medications.
I asked Joe to take me to the ER and off we went.  
Years ago I had a similar reaction to amoxicillin, so now I can add sulfa drugs to my "allergies" :(  I'm running out of drugs to utilize when I'm feeling sick :(
I'm on round two of steroids in one month and I'm not a fan. I'm grateful that they are clearing up my stuff, but I feel jittery and "off".  

In the midst of this crazy month for me my outlook and presence is still happy!  I have noticed it and I'm amazed with it.  This month has been a struggle, and there are things that I haven't listed here that are more of an emotional struggle with some family members, but my "practice" of being present, of being honest about my feelings and needs with Joe, being open to him when he does the same thing to me, accepting things, not judging or overanalyzing things, has given me a sense of contentment and peace that has lifted weight from my soul.  

My work is a place of fulfillment and frustrations, just like anyone's job, but I am grateful for this opportunity and I am finding my place in the workplace.  My initial job evaluation went well.  I have days where I feel I am doing well with my clients and other days where I feel that I'm missing the mark but I'm still growing, and always will, as a therapist.  I had a meeting with the Red Cross the other night which was good, was able to meet some of the other volunteers and get a better understanding of what will be expected whenever I get called out to a fire.  Joe and I were invited to meet with some of my coworkers for dinner this past weekend and it was nice to be invited and to see people outside of work :)  and yesterday I was invited to a Pampered Chef party.  Yes it's dorky but being new to a place, new people, it's hard to feel like you belong so it feels good that they feel like they can invite me now to functions outside of work!

Driving home yesterday after the sun was setting and driving over the bridge to the PCB side I smiled :)  I am blessed in this life and I hope I can share that with others!

Loss of a pet

On 10 January Joe and I sent Sami on to the the Rainbow Bridge to wait for us.  Saturday I had to work and Joe texted me during the day about his concerns with her.  Sami had started to urinate without even realizing it and her depression seemed to just increase with each day.  She was still able to walk, although short distances, when we took her out but it was as if she was forcing herself for us.  Her spunk had left her and we decided it was time.

I called our vet on the way home but they were starting to close so we wouldn't be able to get there that day but they gave me another vet that could assist us. I got home and we decided to have one last night with Sami before sending her on her way.  

We had popcorn and wine that night....well we had wine and Sami had popcorn and she got tons of love and cuddles.  

Sunday morning we casually started our day and shared some boiled eggs with Sami, another of her favorites before I made the call to take her in.  We were blessed with a very nice vet who explained everything and was empathetic to our pain.  The process is peaceful and goes quickly and as hard as it was, I know it was for the best.

Afterwords we were in no hurry to get back to the apartment so we went to a local donut shop and had a treat before driving around looking at trucks.  We are adapting to her not being here, not having to rush home to take her out, or think about plans of when we leave and how long we've been gone. Tux is now getting more attention, and more exercise that he needs...Sami use to take over the red dot game and Tux was turning into a chubby kitty.  

There are always two sides to every experience, choice, situation and it's our job to gain understanding of these sides and embrace the pain and the joys.  I got a nice card from my coworkers, another from our vet, and flowers from a friend...all which touched my heart.  When we open ourselves up to people and animals we become vulnerable to truly experience life to the fullest, in all it's pain and glory. 

I am grateful that Sami was such an awesome presence in my life. She has been with me throughout breakups, severe depression, and has moved more times than some people that I know.  She was an amazing spirit.

We probably won't get another dog anytime soon due to our tendency to travel and take quick road trips.  Tux is a good traveler and low maintenance so he may become a traveling kitty ;)