Sliding into 2018 with sunshine and ice

Work is starting to pick up.  I have a schedule and am building a client load.  Slowly but surely things are moving forward at work.  I had a ego boost the other day...a client did an intake with another therapist and he called back requesting someone else due to she reminding him of his mom.  This therapist was worried I also would remind him of his mom because we look a like but we met and there was more too it and he will be staying with me for therapy.  Little silent victories that show me I am decent at my job.  As a therapist it is so important not to make snap judgments.  If you think about one's self, I am complex and things are never as straightforward as I may express...so why would I think a client in front of me is as simple in regards to their struggles?!  We are human beings and we do judge others, even therapist, but as a therapist part of our education is acknowledging what comes up for us but then letting it go so we may be open for our clients.  We can't help others if we are constrained by our own judgments and thoughts.

I have found that when I have a morning meditation it is helpful for me to be more present throughout the day. I go for days when I spend 10min a morning in a practice but things get hectic or I choose sleep over getting up in time to add that to my morning.  So I bought some journals to help me write stuff down.  Since receiving "The Sunrise Manifesto" I've been using it daily in the morning, at most it takes 5 and if I want to write more maybe 10 minutes out of my morning.  So the time is the same but with this journal I feel more productive in that action.  Every day is just 2 pages.  There are specific questions or comments to address on one page and the other page is for you to brain dump!  So far I'm loving it and am noticing the difference in my day to day.  The 10 minutes of guided meditation is good also, but this appears to be easier to maintain and keep doing!
We've been getting out and about on the weekends, mostly.  This past weekend we checked out the Anchorage Museum and it was awesome.  All the information about the native tribes was overwhelming!  They also had some fun exhibits for us to play around with so it was a good time getting out in the limited day light we have.

We bought tickets to go North to Fairbanks via the train!  We are exited about this!  Seeing more of AK and hopefully the Northern Lights while we are there!  More to come on that adventure.

Patience and Cider

It's Saturday morning, I am slightly dehydrated from a bottle of wine last night sucking out my moisture but I sit here with my coffee with a splash of yummy salted Carmel Kailua.  I look out in front of me to the sun creepy over the snow covered mountains and I am happy!  This sun loving, gotta be by the beach girl is happy in Alaska!  Before moving here our friend Adam told Joe that Alaska will steal your heart!  He spoke a hard truth and we are grateful to have this experience.

We have begun to live with the belief that we must not fight life, we need to be open to it, embrace the moment, and not force something that is not working.  Neither one of us ever thought we'd be living in Alaska, let alone loving and embracing Alaska and all that she has to offer!

My work hasn't changed much but I am working on myself in that regard.  Instead of focusing on my frustrations and irritations I just do what I can, learn what I can, and be open to what I can do.  I've talked to some head people and they are aware of my frustrations and that I am eager to be engaged so that is all I can do.  Apparently I have started work here in an stage of change so roles and responsibilities are being clarified and tweaked.  it's a government job so nothing moves forward in a fast manner so I am choosing to embrace the situation and have patience.  I have no control over others or the process just myself.  That is something we try to instill in our clients as therapist but sometimes we get caught up in life and forget that truth ourselves.



Last weekend I had the blessing of volunteering at Survivor's Day.  It's a day, that is set aside nationally, for those people that have lost someone due to suicide.  It's was a touching day with movies, actives for remembrance, and of sharing of grief and strength.  This was their 4 year of doing it here in Anchorage, I believe, and when it started there were more volunteers than participants.  This year it has grown and there was a good amount of people.  It's good that the word is getting out, it's not strongly advertised, but sad at the same time.  The high schools here have had a hard year of students dying by suicide which was heart braking to hear about, and frustration to here that people don't want to talk about in the schools or take any preventive measures.  It does seem like with this year of loss, the the students themselves are making a change and there is also some change from the higher ups to address it.  So although the loss has been great, there are finally some action to help the kids.




This past Monday we had a fun night of cider and chocolate pairing at the local cidery.  They worked with a local chocolate shop and it was amazing!  9 ciders and 9 truffles!  I was a happy girl!  The hardest part was waiting while they set out the ciders and chocolates!  
Last night we had dinner with our other neighbors, a newlywed couple from Colorado.  We had an evening of finger food, good drinks, and good conversations!  Our condo is small, only four units and one is an air&b so it's awesome to me that we've made friends and broke bread with our neighbors.  





We have been here in Alaska for 2 months! We have done and experienced more than what we had in Florida, and we've interacted more with our neighbors!  I can't believe it's only been 2 months! We are just getting started!

Work and the practice of not worrying....

I blog just to blog....not sure who randomly reads this and I don't give it much mind but it's a place for me to get stuff out there.  I use to be a big journaler but that has gone by the wayside and I tend to blog when I feel the journal urge.
Work is going well.  My hours fluctuate being PRN, I'm finding my therapy groove, getting use to coworkers (gotta have THAT one that you don't gel with....figured out who that is), and am being tested therapeutically with clients.
We had a young guy come in with severe OCD, he got trapped flushing his toilet for 7 hours at one time just to give a picture.  I am one of the "youngest" therapist on staff having graduated last year and guess who got him?! Yours truly!   I will say this kid is a hard worker and it has helped me out tremendously!  I have guided him, challenged him, and we are looking at discharging him this coming week :)  I can do this therapy thing! I still feel as if I'm "winging" it with some of the clients but it's working and they are getting better.  My "winging" it comes with education and some people knowledge so it's not a complete shot in the dark! LOL

As for the not worry aspect... I had a mammogram last week, and got a call back for more xrays.  The tech told me it's normal to get called back with the first one because they need to be able to compare images.  Well, not only did I have to get more pictures taken, I needed an ultrasound on both breast :( and now comes a needle biopsy.  This news was given to me three days ago.  Now I can freak the fuck out OR take it for what it is...more testing is needed as there is just enough chance of it being nothing as it being something.  Me getting into a funk, stressing, and putting my life on hold waiting for the next step is not going to change or fix anything.  So I wait for the call from the general surgeon to set up my biopsy appointment.  I am grateful that this was done now, I turn 40 in August and that's when I'd be due but the doc figured we'd just get it out of the way since I was getting an physical anyway.  When the nurse told me about the results, he asked some questions because "these things just don't spring up overnight".  I haven't had any "symptoms" and nothing was noticed during my annual exams.  I will admit I don't do regular self exams but knowing where the lumps are that are in question...I still can't find them when I look for them :(  I catch myself, well... my mind, starting to jump on the runaway train of worry but then I stop and breath.  I don't know anything for certain except I need more testing so we wait... I go to work and do what I can, focus on the now, and when the call comes I'll address things as they come.

Mindfulness....

In one of my classes I'm learning ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy).  I have to practice mindfulness for 10 minutes and keep a gratitude journal for the semester.  Today doing my 10 min with Headspace I got to thinking... which comes and goes with the meditation.  I waste a lot of mindless energy on Facebook :(
So... I'm going to limit the time that I spend on there daily and then cut down the days that I log into Facebook.  I have a friend that took it off of her phone, so that's a good place to start.
Do you realize how out of tune we are with our surroundings?!  We have some time to wait and what do we do? Facebook!  We took a picture while spending time with friends/family and what do we do right after taking the picture?  Head down, nose in our phone so we can share with everyone our picture and we are no longer engaged with our friends/family :(
Facebook is coming off of my phone today!
I limit myself to 30 minutes a day on Facebook.  I can spread that out in increments or do an all out 30 minute binge.
Wish me luck!
It's time I am more of an active participant in MY life and not so much a bystander in my and other's lives!