Life is work!

Every day at work I see it, people wanted a quick fix or an easy way to feel/do better.  They always seem a little surprised when I say that life sucks, there will be good and bad moments but it's what we do in those moments is what makes our life what it is.
When I say life is work it's easy to think about the crappy connotations to work.  What I am focused on is that we have to do something in our life.  It's OURs and that takes effort, physical and mental effort, to life a good life.
If we don't do that work, our brain will be a crazy kid with no boundaries and rules.  We've all see THAT kid in public.  That kid that is a distraction, is rude, is mean, annoying, and is just going wild.  Our brains do that to us daily and what do we do? We allow it to trample on our emotions, our dreams, and confine us to a corner being silent.
For people that are parents, you know that kids needs support, room to grown, but also boundaries and structure.  We have to do that with our brain and it's hard work.  It's like telling an adorable kid "no" or punishing the kid who cutely swears not knowing what they are saying.
I'm not a neuroscientist, or a brainiac by any means, and my time as a LCSW is still maturing but I see it in me personally and with everyone that sits in front of me.  
Society doesn't help our brain child. We are constantly bombarded with what we should do or what we should look like.  Kids now are fighting this battle from an earlier age.  Lost of the days of building forts, playing outside all day, using our brains to imagine fun things.  We are force fed what our lives should look like and when we are not living that life we are judged.  Sometimes to our face but a lot of times by our child brain "how come you aren't married" "you should have kids" "you fucked that up" "you have to wear a bra in public" "you look like a slut""sitting by yourself, you're a looser".... you get the idea.  
Life is a journey and we should choose our companions carefully.  They should be supportive, loving, and able to check us when we need it.  Our thoughts should be chosen with the same care and focus.
How do we do that?  Here comes the work :P
Half, probably more than half of the time, we have no awareness of our automatic thoughts (ANTs).  They flutter and bound around.  Additionally we never notice when we are not having thoughts, and those moments are important!  
First, be curious about yourself.  Be your own investigator.  Be aware of feelings that come up.  I bet when you try to focus on your thoughts they begin to hide from you and it's hard to think about what your thinking.  That's o.k.  this is a new thing, be gentle and curious like hanging out with a new person.  Label the feelings that you notice. I'm feeling sad, meh (yes I use meh even with my patients), happy, frustrated, pleased.....
Then be curious about what you were doing when that emotion came up.  Walking the dog, having a cup of coffee, interacting with an annoying co-worker, thinking about a friend.
Now the hard part.  What thoughts were jumping around? It's a beautiful day, Jane thinks I'm stupid, I didn't hear from Max after I text him, I pissed him off, He hates me, the relationship is over, I killed that interview, these pants don't fit.
Notice that my random stream of ANTs were all over the place, good, bad, supportive, and just there.  For some reason, a majority of people will hold on to the unhelpful ones and we will feed them. Jane thinks I'm stupid, I am stupid because she asked me a question at work and I couldn't answer her, I did the paperwork wrong, I wear the same three pairs of shoes to work, I have no style....
Before we know it, we stop talking to people at work, we isolate ourselves, and those negative ANTs turn into Goliaths to where we cannot even acknowledge the thoughts of it's a beautiful day without it turning into yeah but I have work tomorrow and there will be Jane judging me, I haven't nothing new to wear, I'm a frump.
Those trains of thought run our emotions and we end up passengers at the back of the train.  It's the bumpiest part, you get food last if at all, bathrooms are probably back there and it stinks.  
FUCK THAT!
This is your train, get to the front, kick out that 2yo conductor and take charge. 
Oh if it's was that easy but it's not.
Depending on how long you've been riding this train, there could be many train cars you have to walk through.  It's overwhelming.  It will be hard. It will be outside of your comfort area.  I get it, I have my own train and I've been kicked out of the front car many of times and have to fight myself back to the front but each time it's a little easier and I learn more about myself.
Little changes.
That's it.  
Sometimes it's taking it one seat at a time, and other times you can walk through a train car in one fell swoop.  
But you got to DO SOMETHING, you got to do the WORK.

I'm doing my own work.  Last week I tried to walk through a few train cars at once.  It didn't work and I got jostled and slammed down in a seat.  That's o.k. I took a little break and here we are. 

My baby steps currently:
make better food choices, no alcohol

That's it.  If I do more than that, let's say work out, do some yoga during the week *high five* but based on my energy and mental bandwidth I'm keeping it small.

What's your baby step? Are you acknowledging the thoughts that support you, challenge you, and care for you? If you can't even see those thoughts, write down some supportive phrases you'd tell a friend, post them on your bathroom mirror, have them as your screen saver on your phone. Read them daily!

We got this!