Every day at work I see it, people wanted a quick fix or an easy way to feel/do better. They always seem a little surprised when I say that life sucks, there will be good and bad moments but it's what we do in those moments is what makes our life what it is.
When I say life is work it's easy to think about the crappy connotations to work. What I am focused on is that we have to do something in our life. It's OURs and that takes effort, physical and mental effort, to life a good life.
If we don't do that work, our brain will be a crazy kid with no boundaries and rules. We've all see THAT kid in public. That kid that is a distraction, is rude, is mean, annoying, and is just going wild. Our brains do that to us daily and what do we do? We allow it to trample on our emotions, our dreams, and confine us to a corner being silent.
For people that are parents, you know that kids needs support, room to grown, but also boundaries and structure. We have to do that with our brain and it's hard work. It's like telling an adorable kid "no" or punishing the kid who cutely swears not knowing what they are saying.
I'm not a neuroscientist, or a brainiac by any means, and my time as a LCSW is still maturing but I see it in me personally and with everyone that sits in front of me.
Society doesn't help our brain child. We are constantly bombarded with what we should do or what we should look like. Kids now are fighting this battle from an earlier age. Lost of the days of building forts, playing outside all day, using our brains to imagine fun things. We are force fed what our lives should look like and when we are not living that life we are judged. Sometimes to our face but a lot of times by our child brain "how come you aren't married" "you should have kids" "you fucked that up" "you have to wear a bra in public" "you look like a slut""sitting by yourself, you're a looser".... you get the idea.
Life is a journey and we should choose our companions carefully. They should be supportive, loving, and able to check us when we need it. Our thoughts should be chosen with the same care and focus.
How do we do that? Here comes the work :P
Half, probably more than half of the time, we have no awareness of our automatic thoughts (ANTs). They flutter and bound around. Additionally we never notice when we are not having thoughts, and those moments are important!
First, be curious about yourself. Be your own investigator. Be aware of feelings that come up. I bet when you try to focus on your thoughts they begin to hide from you and it's hard to think about what your thinking. That's o.k. this is a new thing, be gentle and curious like hanging out with a new person. Label the feelings that you notice. I'm feeling sad, meh (yes I use meh even with my patients), happy, frustrated, pleased.....
Then be curious about what you were doing when that emotion came up. Walking the dog, having a cup of coffee, interacting with an annoying co-worker, thinking about a friend.
Now the hard part. What thoughts were jumping around? It's a beautiful day, Jane thinks I'm stupid, I didn't hear from Max after I text him, I pissed him off, He hates me, the relationship is over, I killed that interview, these pants don't fit.
Notice that my random stream of ANTs were all over the place, good, bad, supportive, and just there. For some reason, a majority of people will hold on to the unhelpful ones and we will feed them. Jane thinks I'm stupid, I am stupid because she asked me a question at work and I couldn't answer her, I did the paperwork wrong, I wear the same three pairs of shoes to work, I have no style....
Before we know it, we stop talking to people at work, we isolate ourselves, and those negative ANTs turn into Goliaths to where we cannot even acknowledge the thoughts of it's a beautiful day without it turning into yeah but I have work tomorrow and there will be Jane judging me, I haven't nothing new to wear, I'm a frump.
Those trains of thought run our emotions and we end up passengers at the back of the train. It's the bumpiest part, you get food last if at all, bathrooms are probably back there and it stinks.
FUCK THAT!
This is your train, get to the front, kick out that 2yo conductor and take charge.
Oh if it's was that easy but it's not.
Depending on how long you've been riding this train, there could be many train cars you have to walk through. It's overwhelming. It will be hard. It will be outside of your comfort area. I get it, I have my own train and I've been kicked out of the front car many of times and have to fight myself back to the front but each time it's a little easier and I learn more about myself.
Little changes.
That's it.
Sometimes it's taking it one seat at a time, and other times you can walk through a train car in one fell swoop.
But you got to DO SOMETHING, you got to do the WORK.
I'm doing my own work. Last week I tried to walk through a few train cars at once. It didn't work and I got jostled and slammed down in a seat. That's o.k. I took a little break and here we are.
My baby steps currently:
make better food choices, no alcohol
That's it. If I do more than that, let's say work out, do some yoga during the week *high five* but based on my energy and mental bandwidth I'm keeping it small.
What's your baby step? Are you acknowledging the thoughts that support you, challenge you, and care for you? If you can't even see those thoughts, write down some supportive phrases you'd tell a friend, post them on your bathroom mirror, have them as your screen saver on your phone. Read them daily!
We got this!
Showing posts with label self care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self care. Show all posts
Sunday, January 12, 2020
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
And SWITCH
Joe and I don't do anything "normal" and it works for us. A few weeks ago Joe gave his notice at his job. He enjoyed the people and the concept of the job he was a fan of but he had similar issues with his work environment as do/did I.
My work environment was having a negative effect on my mental health. Joe was beginning to worry about me. I was coming home in a mood, either angry/frustrated or depressed. I was in a constant state of being tired no matter how much sleep I got. Every morning I would have to force myself out of bed, there was even one day I didn't even shower before going into work! My depression was strong and deep, only getting deeper the longer I struggled in that work environment. Joe said we'd be o.k. financial for a few months if I put in my notice. I hate not having something lined up and I also don't like not having an income but my unhappiness at work was overriding those worries. One morning Joe sent me a picture of me from Florida, I was on a beach cruiser and smiling...he text "I remember this girl". I cried and knew I had to quit work, the environment was not going to change any time soon. Coworkers have shared with me their struggles that have been going on for years. I did not have the motivation to fight the system. So a week after Joe put in his notice, I submitted my two weeks and yesterday was my last physical day at work.
Before I put in my notice I had a telephone interview for a position on base. It's a slight pay cut but it sounds less stressful, smaller work community, structure, and more follow through and accountability. As usually I feel as though I bomb telephone interviews, thinking I sound like an idiot or after the call replay conversations thing "I should have said this". I submitted my 2 week notice at the VA on Friday and on Monday I received an tentative offer email for that position!
This process of quitting my job has been interesting for me. It's always a hard decision even if it's for one's own sanity. My frustrations with work were echoed by a majority of my coworkers and we were banding together to bring issues up to the managers and leaders in hopes of a change. When I decided to quit my job, with no other employment lined up, a coworker stated "You are amazing".
This gave me pause, it was said as she was leaving my office. Amazing? Really? for leaving a toxic work environment that was doing me more harm than good? I got to thinking about it and I've been commended for just doing stuff like that before. I left a government job in Utah and moved to Hawaii. I had a safety neat but no real job. I just moved. After graduating with my MSW I went against what "made sense" and followed my gut, things have been working out wonderfully. When I went off to India and volunteered for 2 weeks, I had no job and shouldn't have spent the money but I went and had a profound experience and things worked out. I am blessed! I have been in positions where people have been helpful and have provided some security and safety but at times I just go and do. That is what I did with this recent situation. I have been at the VA for 7 months and gave my 2 weeks. People were surprised at how sudden I was leaving but NOT surprised as to the why.
Joe and I both have our history of jobs that suck your soul. We are making it a priority to enjoy life, even if that means taking a pay cut at times. We are o.k. with that. We don't have to make X amount of money, we just need to pay off our debt and then move on to our next big thing.
Although leaving the VA was best for me, it's always hard to say good bye and stop therapy with Veterans. I did my best to inform them of my leaving, ensuring I personally talked with each one either by phone or in person. One of them gifted me with this painting. I'm always in awe when a client takes the time to do something to give to me.
So here we are, both unemployed. I'm working towards a start date...the DOD hiring process is never quick. We have time off to focus on down sizing, selling things, and enjoy more of what is in our back yard!
My work environment was having a negative effect on my mental health. Joe was beginning to worry about me. I was coming home in a mood, either angry/frustrated or depressed. I was in a constant state of being tired no matter how much sleep I got. Every morning I would have to force myself out of bed, there was even one day I didn't even shower before going into work! My depression was strong and deep, only getting deeper the longer I struggled in that work environment. Joe said we'd be o.k. financial for a few months if I put in my notice. I hate not having something lined up and I also don't like not having an income but my unhappiness at work was overriding those worries. One morning Joe sent me a picture of me from Florida, I was on a beach cruiser and smiling...he text "I remember this girl". I cried and knew I had to quit work, the environment was not going to change any time soon. Coworkers have shared with me their struggles that have been going on for years. I did not have the motivation to fight the system. So a week after Joe put in his notice, I submitted my two weeks and yesterday was my last physical day at work.
Before I put in my notice I had a telephone interview for a position on base. It's a slight pay cut but it sounds less stressful, smaller work community, structure, and more follow through and accountability. As usually I feel as though I bomb telephone interviews, thinking I sound like an idiot or after the call replay conversations thing "I should have said this". I submitted my 2 week notice at the VA on Friday and on Monday I received an tentative offer email for that position!
 |
| dog sitting Luna, dog cuddles make everything better |
This process of quitting my job has been interesting for me. It's always a hard decision even if it's for one's own sanity. My frustrations with work were echoed by a majority of my coworkers and we were banding together to bring issues up to the managers and leaders in hopes of a change. When I decided to quit my job, with no other employment lined up, a coworker stated "You are amazing".
Joe and I both have our history of jobs that suck your soul. We are making it a priority to enjoy life, even if that means taking a pay cut at times. We are o.k. with that. We don't have to make X amount of money, we just need to pay off our debt and then move on to our next big thing.
Although leaving the VA was best for me, it's always hard to say good bye and stop therapy with Veterans. I did my best to inform them of my leaving, ensuring I personally talked with each one either by phone or in person. One of them gifted me with this painting. I'm always in awe when a client takes the time to do something to give to me.
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| gift hand painted from a client |
Tuesday, February 06, 2018
Headache and Self Care
Today is Tuesday and tomorrow I am taking a mental health day for which I am grateful for due to having a splitting headache for the better part of the day :(
Since the New Year we've been working and doing our thing. We've had a few date nights enjoying the local area. We've been busy but not terribly busy. We enjoy the weekends that are never long enough but we do what we can!
A quick weekend away is scheduled for next weekend...a music festival with beer of course :P. It should be a good time to get away from here for a little staycation near by!
Joe is enjoying his new job and adapting to the civilian way of work having to have had to hire and fire someone in about a couple of weeks of starting and is in the midst of hiring two more people. Although I am working in a civilian function for the government there are tons of similarities between my work environment and being military. Which adds to my work stress.
Work is full of typical work stressors along with the stressors that come with this type of work. The balance of meeting the client where they are at but also aiding them in finding their motivation to move forward.
The work of acknowledging that I will not always be the person that will help them forward and to be accepting of that. I am human also and sometimes there is not that therapeutic connection that is needed for someone to be vulnerable to fully engage in therapy. Some days it's a struggle to fully believe that and not beat myself up for not meeting my high expectations or expectations that I think others have for me.
My work is fulfilling, draining, amazing, and frustrating all in one day. I get home and I'm mentally stressed and exhausted. It's important for me to be tuned into my self and also make myself a priority...thus my mental health day tomorrow and my goal for taking at least one day a month off!
I'm so looking forward to unplugging tomorrow!
Since the New Year we've been working and doing our thing. We've had a few date nights enjoying the local area. We've been busy but not terribly busy. We enjoy the weekends that are never long enough but we do what we can!
A quick weekend away is scheduled for next weekend...a music festival with beer of course :P. It should be a good time to get away from here for a little staycation near by!
Joe is enjoying his new job and adapting to the civilian way of work having to have had to hire and fire someone in about a couple of weeks of starting and is in the midst of hiring two more people. Although I am working in a civilian function for the government there are tons of similarities between my work environment and being military. Which adds to my work stress.
Work is full of typical work stressors along with the stressors that come with this type of work. The balance of meeting the client where they are at but also aiding them in finding their motivation to move forward.
The work of acknowledging that I will not always be the person that will help them forward and to be accepting of that. I am human also and sometimes there is not that therapeutic connection that is needed for someone to be vulnerable to fully engage in therapy. Some days it's a struggle to fully believe that and not beat myself up for not meeting my high expectations or expectations that I think others have for me.
My work is fulfilling, draining, amazing, and frustrating all in one day. I get home and I'm mentally stressed and exhausted. It's important for me to be tuned into my self and also make myself a priority...thus my mental health day tomorrow and my goal for taking at least one day a month off!
I'm so looking forward to unplugging tomorrow!
Thursday, October 05, 2017
Pain and Stuff
There is a gym pretty much across the street from our place, The Alaska Club. We checked it out and it's one of their bigger sites with an indoor pool, tennis courts, etc. We thought they had the basics we wanted in a gym and even more so we signed up. With that sign up we got to meet with an trainer to do an initial assessment which we did on Monday. I'm STILL not walking normally and it' Thursday! The guy, Roman, talked us about our goals and gave us some education. He also put our information into a computer and gave us our "current age" based on our health. I am at 48 :( it's not terrible but I knew I had work to do! He did our BMI and all that fun stuff and again, I'm not in a crazy unhealthy zone but I got a few pounds to loose to get back to feeling healthy. After all that fun stuff he took us not he floor and walked us through some exercises, just three of them and we are both waddling around like 90 year olds. He started us on a machine for squats, he didn't add any weight to mine but the bar itself weighs 105lbs! We warmed up and then two sets of 10. I was hurting. Then we did bench presses, again I was just using the weight of the bar and that was enough but I managed to do more than I thought I could. Then we did dead lifts with the kettle bells. He tried to sell us the personal trainer thing and we told him we'd keep it in mind.
The weights and machines are upstairs. The first step I took down stairs I thought my legs were going to buckle under me and I was going to fall down stairs! Have I mentioned we are on the top floor of our condo place?! UGH.
We ended up meeting Adam and Michelle for dinner and I was managing the discomfort and it wasn't too bad. The next day OMG! I was sore BUT we found out that our household goods would be delivered on Wednesday so we were stoked about that. It was a low key day for me and Joe did some errands and shopping for new tires on his truck. I managed the stairs slowly and with a firm grip on the railing.
Wednesday, we get our stuff! I'm STILL in pain but I popped some Excedrin and pressed on. Alaska continues to impress us. We both have moved numerous times and dealing with moving companies we get "we will be there between 8-5" and there is a lot of waiting involved. These guys were calling us probably around 8:30! We both drank what we could of our coffee, I ran to the store to pick up bottle water and donuts for the movers, and when I returned they were already there! The two guys were efficient and quick! They had unloaded us by 2 I believe! Now we are living in an apartment with boxes and chaos but we're happy!
With this delivery it gives us ample time to get settled before I start work. Tux is happy he has the couch back and we're happy he isn't sleeping with us all night!
We downsized before coming here and we lost a little bit of room in comparing the two places but we lost a lot of space in our kitchen :(. So more downsizing is in order! I tend to downsize better when unpacking. I'm looking at stuff, not finding a place for it and ask "when did I actually use this last?" and if I have to struggle to think of an answer... it's gone/donated/sold! We are staying busy that's for sure!
One thing that I have been and am concerned about here in Alaska is my depression. I already have a vitamin D deficiency that I take supplements for and here I am moving to a state that has months of limited sunshine! Right now the sun doesn't actually poke out over the mountains till around 8:30/9! I've been taking my supplements religiously (need to take them today) but I also bought some things to help out. In our bedroom I bought one of the alarm clocks that wakes you up by mimicking natural light. Not only is it a gentler way to wake up but it will aid me in getting in a positive gear in the morning. I then bought a light box to sit in front of in the mornings when I'm having my coffee and breakfast. The thing is BRIGHT and we've used it a couple of mornings so far. I didn't use it this morning because it's a lazy day, Joe is still in bed hangover, and we all need a cozy low key day. I haven't seen the sun yet (it's 10:53am) and looking outside it's grey, mist over the mountains, and low clouds. I've been nursing my coffee all morning but I got a massage scheduled at 2 that I'm looking forward to with my sore legs! In addition to those lights the gym has tanning beds. So I'm going to incorporate regular tanning to my "to do" activities to keep my sanity during the winter months!
I ordered a work out notebook so I can schedule and plan my weeks. I know it will be important for me to stay on task with my workouts, tanning, vitamins, etc. to avoid a depression or resurgence of my PTSD symptoms. I feel that I have been managing these things well but here in Alaska, I think that I have to be more aggressive with my self care for my mental health.
We will see how everything works out.
The weights and machines are upstairs. The first step I took down stairs I thought my legs were going to buckle under me and I was going to fall down stairs! Have I mentioned we are on the top floor of our condo place?! UGH.
We ended up meeting Adam and Michelle for dinner and I was managing the discomfort and it wasn't too bad. The next day OMG! I was sore BUT we found out that our household goods would be delivered on Wednesday so we were stoked about that. It was a low key day for me and Joe did some errands and shopping for new tires on his truck. I managed the stairs slowly and with a firm grip on the railing.
Wednesday, we get our stuff! I'm STILL in pain but I popped some Excedrin and pressed on. Alaska continues to impress us. We both have moved numerous times and dealing with moving companies we get "we will be there between 8-5" and there is a lot of waiting involved. These guys were calling us probably around 8:30! We both drank what we could of our coffee, I ran to the store to pick up bottle water and donuts for the movers, and when I returned they were already there! The two guys were efficient and quick! They had unloaded us by 2 I believe! Now we are living in an apartment with boxes and chaos but we're happy!
With this delivery it gives us ample time to get settled before I start work. Tux is happy he has the couch back and we're happy he isn't sleeping with us all night!
We downsized before coming here and we lost a little bit of room in comparing the two places but we lost a lot of space in our kitchen :(. So more downsizing is in order! I tend to downsize better when unpacking. I'm looking at stuff, not finding a place for it and ask "when did I actually use this last?" and if I have to struggle to think of an answer... it's gone/donated/sold! We are staying busy that's for sure!
One thing that I have been and am concerned about here in Alaska is my depression. I already have a vitamin D deficiency that I take supplements for and here I am moving to a state that has months of limited sunshine! Right now the sun doesn't actually poke out over the mountains till around 8:30/9! I've been taking my supplements religiously (need to take them today) but I also bought some things to help out. In our bedroom I bought one of the alarm clocks that wakes you up by mimicking natural light. Not only is it a gentler way to wake up but it will aid me in getting in a positive gear in the morning. I then bought a light box to sit in front of in the mornings when I'm having my coffee and breakfast. The thing is BRIGHT and we've used it a couple of mornings so far. I didn't use it this morning because it's a lazy day, Joe is still in bed hangover, and we all need a cozy low key day. I haven't seen the sun yet (it's 10:53am) and looking outside it's grey, mist over the mountains, and low clouds. I've been nursing my coffee all morning but I got a massage scheduled at 2 that I'm looking forward to with my sore legs! In addition to those lights the gym has tanning beds. So I'm going to incorporate regular tanning to my "to do" activities to keep my sanity during the winter months!
I ordered a work out notebook so I can schedule and plan my weeks. I know it will be important for me to stay on task with my workouts, tanning, vitamins, etc. to avoid a depression or resurgence of my PTSD symptoms. I feel that I have been managing these things well but here in Alaska, I think that I have to be more aggressive with my self care for my mental health.
We will see how everything works out.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Self Work
Like I mentioned in a previous post, I don't like asking something of my clients if I don't read the book or try it myself. I have to have my own personal buy in if I want to help other people. So in addition to the other book I'm reading, I started "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. A lot of other therapist will recommend this book to their clients, and we have a psycho educational group on codependency so I figured I'd give it a read. It's good and I'm already to part II, I had some good quality pool reading time today!
Now there are some exercises that one can do in the book to help gain some awareness of self. I'm all about awareness, once we become aware and open to our own shit then we can be empowered to do something about it if we so choose.
I decided to do the activities in the book. I didn't think of myself as being codependent but just reading the first part of the book I can see tendencies that I've had in my past. I'm going to do the activities here... which is not what is usually recommended. What I mean about that is that it's good to do self work, exploration and physically write the stuff out. There is something powerful in the written word as compared to typing it, it's more personally when it's written but...I'm a faster typer and it is what it is:P
Chapter 2:
-did I identify with any of the stories?what helped me think of myself? what relationships came to mind and why?
at first it was hard to relate to the stories since they focused on being in a relationship with someone that was chemical dependent. but then I thought about my relationship with my Mom when I lived with them in Hawaii, and then bits and pieces of past relationships. The relationship with my Mom came to mind due to our dynamic at the time, and at the time I was seeing a therapist that pointed out the "dance" my Mom and I were doing, and it was unhealthy. I was taking her moods as personal and we would get into a cycle that was not healthy.
Chapter 3:
-my view of codependency?
being controlled by other's moods, not being able to separate self from others.
-do I know someone that has significantly affected my life, someone I worry about and wish I could change...who?
currently I don't have anyone that I "wish I could change". but looking back on my life and relationships there is my Mom and at times other ex's that I've been with. Up until recently my Mom would have fit this bill but she has been doing her own self discovery and I'm so proud of her. She has been a big impact in my life, we've had an "odd" relationship and I've always wanted her to find her voice, be strong, and find her own happiness (which she is doing now).
Chapter 4:
-marking characteristics of codependency:
I'm too lazy to list all of them here but it will dictate what I do/focus on in the future readings.
-how do I feel about change? do I think I can change, why/why not?
I'm always ready for change!!!! and I know I can change, I've done it before so I'm not worried about making the change now to support myself more :)
So that's that... we will see what the future chapters hold!
Now there are some exercises that one can do in the book to help gain some awareness of self. I'm all about awareness, once we become aware and open to our own shit then we can be empowered to do something about it if we so choose.
I decided to do the activities in the book. I didn't think of myself as being codependent but just reading the first part of the book I can see tendencies that I've had in my past. I'm going to do the activities here... which is not what is usually recommended. What I mean about that is that it's good to do self work, exploration and physically write the stuff out. There is something powerful in the written word as compared to typing it, it's more personally when it's written but...I'm a faster typer and it is what it is:P
Chapter 2:
-did I identify with any of the stories?what helped me think of myself? what relationships came to mind and why?
at first it was hard to relate to the stories since they focused on being in a relationship with someone that was chemical dependent. but then I thought about my relationship with my Mom when I lived with them in Hawaii, and then bits and pieces of past relationships. The relationship with my Mom came to mind due to our dynamic at the time, and at the time I was seeing a therapist that pointed out the "dance" my Mom and I were doing, and it was unhealthy. I was taking her moods as personal and we would get into a cycle that was not healthy.
Chapter 3:
-my view of codependency?
being controlled by other's moods, not being able to separate self from others.
-do I know someone that has significantly affected my life, someone I worry about and wish I could change...who?
currently I don't have anyone that I "wish I could change". but looking back on my life and relationships there is my Mom and at times other ex's that I've been with. Up until recently my Mom would have fit this bill but she has been doing her own self discovery and I'm so proud of her. She has been a big impact in my life, we've had an "odd" relationship and I've always wanted her to find her voice, be strong, and find her own happiness (which she is doing now).
Chapter 4:
-marking characteristics of codependency:
I'm too lazy to list all of them here but it will dictate what I do/focus on in the future readings.
-how do I feel about change? do I think I can change, why/why not?
I'm always ready for change!!!! and I know I can change, I've done it before so I'm not worried about making the change now to support myself more :)
So that's that... we will see what the future chapters hold!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Introverted Social Worker
Yep that's right, I'm an introvert and I'm a social worker. What the hell was I thinking?! I've come to realize that I have to take my self care seriously for a few reasons.
While still active duty I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I have been on a handful of antidepressants over the years and have seen numerous therapist. Over time and with some nudging from my Dad, I looked at my depression in a different light along with my string of failed relationships and was diagnosed with post traumatic disorder due to being sexually assaulted at my first military assignment. I got some therapy focused on PTSD, during my graduate schooling for being a social worker, along with some individual therapy to help me sort through some things.
Self care is repeated over and over during my grad school. Self care is important for EVERYONE but if you're in a helping profession, sometimes we forget ourselves and we do things that are not healthy due to being tired and drained from the day.
I have felt like I've been doing o.k. with this but Monday I felt I was losing some of my grip.
As an introvert I NEED my time to recharge. Being home in an empty apartment is fuel for my soul, along with eating healthy, and attempting to exercise regularly. In the past 14 days I've had three days off. As a former military person, this is a "whatever" schedule especially when you add a few 10 hour days in there. But my job as a social worker is regularly more taxing mentally than my time in the service. It's normal for my brain to be done at the end of the day and I'm peopled out... not so much with my military time :P
My two days off in a row were nice but I also went to a Pampered Chef party where I knew two people, and then a superbowl party where I sort of knew most of the guys. Both things were nice and I was glad to get out and "mingle" but as an introvert, those two outings represented me not recharging much over the weekend along with being taxing and draining.
Monday at work I was so off! I felt that my group sucked, my clients annoyed me, and I just wanted to withdraw and not talk to anyone. I didn't even say bye when I left work :( I was irritable and short. I questioned my vocational choice, I questioned what I said in sessions, I questioned everything and my shit filter was on.
Now, one thing about my current job is that it is PRN... as needed. I don't work Monday-Friday with set hours. At times it's chaotic, not knowing what is going to be tasked to me until I show up in the morning but leadership is working on having the taskings out prior to the morning of! WOOT! With that change I was able to see that on Tuesday (prior to leaving work on Monday) that I was not running any groups in the morning, not even the afternoon groups, I had my individual sessions and a new client assessment. That meant I didn't have to go in early in the morning! I decided to go in around lunch.... plus our therapist have been over the allocated hours so we were told to be mindful of our hours and streamline what we can ;)
Yesterday morning was casual and all me! I did some stuff around the apartment, researched stuff for clients over my coffee, and slowly got ready for my day!
I was recharged and felt back in peace with my life. I didn't feel completely "on game" with one of the clients but over all the day went smooth and I came home in a good mood. It also helps that my man went grocery shopping and had dinner cooking when I walked in the door ;)
Just a few leisurely hours in the morning before work and it helped me get back on track! I didn't do anything crazy but I did do things for me! Things that I've put off for weeks for some reason or another.
Normally my work schedule gives me a day or two off during the week, but sometimes I work a weekend day. I'm not a fan of working on weekends due to that being Joe's time off but having days off during the week when Joe is at work is refreshing to my soul and he gets this. My weekend work days gives him a time to refresh his soul and also get some school work done :P
Self care is SO important! I can't loose touch with myself and who I am because when I do I am not longer genuine with my clients and I don't want to "go through the motions" with them.
They deserve so much more! and so do I!
While still active duty I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I have been on a handful of antidepressants over the years and have seen numerous therapist. Over time and with some nudging from my Dad, I looked at my depression in a different light along with my string of failed relationships and was diagnosed with post traumatic disorder due to being sexually assaulted at my first military assignment. I got some therapy focused on PTSD, during my graduate schooling for being a social worker, along with some individual therapy to help me sort through some things.
Self care is repeated over and over during my grad school. Self care is important for EVERYONE but if you're in a helping profession, sometimes we forget ourselves and we do things that are not healthy due to being tired and drained from the day.
I have felt like I've been doing o.k. with this but Monday I felt I was losing some of my grip.
As an introvert I NEED my time to recharge. Being home in an empty apartment is fuel for my soul, along with eating healthy, and attempting to exercise regularly. In the past 14 days I've had three days off. As a former military person, this is a "whatever" schedule especially when you add a few 10 hour days in there. But my job as a social worker is regularly more taxing mentally than my time in the service. It's normal for my brain to be done at the end of the day and I'm peopled out... not so much with my military time :P
My two days off in a row were nice but I also went to a Pampered Chef party where I knew two people, and then a superbowl party where I sort of knew most of the guys. Both things were nice and I was glad to get out and "mingle" but as an introvert, those two outings represented me not recharging much over the weekend along with being taxing and draining.
Monday at work I was so off! I felt that my group sucked, my clients annoyed me, and I just wanted to withdraw and not talk to anyone. I didn't even say bye when I left work :( I was irritable and short. I questioned my vocational choice, I questioned what I said in sessions, I questioned everything and my shit filter was on.
Now, one thing about my current job is that it is PRN... as needed. I don't work Monday-Friday with set hours. At times it's chaotic, not knowing what is going to be tasked to me until I show up in the morning but leadership is working on having the taskings out prior to the morning of! WOOT! With that change I was able to see that on Tuesday (prior to leaving work on Monday) that I was not running any groups in the morning, not even the afternoon groups, I had my individual sessions and a new client assessment. That meant I didn't have to go in early in the morning! I decided to go in around lunch.... plus our therapist have been over the allocated hours so we were told to be mindful of our hours and streamline what we can ;)
Yesterday morning was casual and all me! I did some stuff around the apartment, researched stuff for clients over my coffee, and slowly got ready for my day!
I was recharged and felt back in peace with my life. I didn't feel completely "on game" with one of the clients but over all the day went smooth and I came home in a good mood. It also helps that my man went grocery shopping and had dinner cooking when I walked in the door ;)
Just a few leisurely hours in the morning before work and it helped me get back on track! I didn't do anything crazy but I did do things for me! Things that I've put off for weeks for some reason or another.
Normally my work schedule gives me a day or two off during the week, but sometimes I work a weekend day. I'm not a fan of working on weekends due to that being Joe's time off but having days off during the week when Joe is at work is refreshing to my soul and he gets this. My weekend work days gives him a time to refresh his soul and also get some school work done :P
Self care is SO important! I can't loose touch with myself and who I am because when I do I am not longer genuine with my clients and I don't want to "go through the motions" with them.
They deserve so much more! and so do I!
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