Words matter and an Army challenge

A couple of weeks ago I brought up a concern I had at work.  I've had a good handful of soldiers come into my office for behavioral health intakes and some for individual therapy.  I've heard similar reports from some of the soldiers of how there are a lot of jokes about suicide.  A week ago, I'm not sure what was different, but after meeting with a soldier and hearing their frustrations about this I brought up my concerns to our team.

I inquired if other providers have heard similar stories and threw out some ideas to begin to change the dialogue.  One person, and I've heard this from others, seem to feel it was an uphill battle stating "it's the culture" and then made a comment about the Air Force not have issues like this.  I snapped that the AF has their stuff just like other branches but stating that "it's the culture" doesn't mean we cannot try to raise awareness and start some change.

Things that I have heard from my soldiers is they will sit around and joke about suicide to the point of having conversations on how they will do it.  A soldier reached out not knowing what they should of done when a friend posted suicidal thoughts on social media.  This person was met with jokes, comments of "if they don't do it they are a pussy" and "they just want attention".  I imagined young soldiers having this conversation but NCOs were a part of it!  The ones that are charged with the responsibility of mentoring and leading!  My blood boiled at this.

Having been in the medical field close to my whole working life I am well versed in off color jokes and making serious situations light by jokes and sarcasm.  But suicide have been off the table for me, it's never been a joke.

When I brought this up to our team, another provider spoke up and stated that she's done training with one of her sections.  She has a training/outline for this already and she reported that she got great feedback when she did this.  She did a few separate pow wows, having a different presentation/training/talk with senior leadership, the mid level leaders, and the lowest rung of soldiers and each presentation was adapted to that group!  It was more of a dialogue and as she stated she wanted to educate them on how WE think as mental health professionals.  Why hasn't this been expanding outside of her units?!  
I don't know but one hold up that is coming to light are commanders that are not seeing mental health as a priority of their soldiers.  THAT is the big fight.

I am learning more and more about how the Army works, it's not making any sense to me but with more understanding it allows me to work differently.  For example in the AF when you say commander you are usually talking about a Maj or LtCol, or higher.  These individuals have a decent amount of time in service, some age on them, and should have a broader perspective on things...don't get me wrong I've been exposed to my share of incompetent AF commanders.  In the Army a commander is usually a CPT and I recently met with one in my office.  

Up until this week, in my mind, I kept thinking Army commander = AF commander.  A switch went off this week.  I had this AR CPT who just ended their command, AT 26 YEARS OLD!  Educated with a degree (most often that does not have classes on leadership or management of people) and a crash course in Army life/training. These young adults are in charge of other young adults to the point of ruining one's career, kicking them out, all levels of discipline!  So when when get a new commander and then one of their soldiers are suicidal, have to go inpatient, these young adults are either freaked out trying to figure out what they can do to help or they totally separate from the issue.  As I recently heard from a commander, "if they can't soldier they are useless to me".  

My mind shift went from Oh shit I have to call the commander to I have to call this commander and mentor him/her on how best to help this soldier.  I recently had a commander ask me "what do you think I should do" in regards to letting a soldier go on leave "even though he's failed a PT test".  I acknowledged his situation of having to think of the group as a whole, if he lets one person go under disciplinary action how that would reflect on others unable to go, but I also mentioned to take this soldier's whole story into account.... how has his performance been up until this failed PT test? is this a regular thing for him?  if he's been a stellar soldier up until this incident I, as a mental health profession, recommended he be allowed to go home for the holidays for his mental health.  This information was acknowledged and the soldier was able to go home!

I am older than these commanders by 20 years at time, more time in the military, and then life experience!  What a mind screw that is?!  Apparently I'm a professional and I may even be considered an adult.  When did this happen because I don't feel it at all?!  But with this "ah ha" moment.... I now have a different perspective on how to interact with Army commanders to where I can do the best that I can to help both the commander and the solider.

And one of my task to to help change how people talk about suicide.  I know I work with the soldiers that are pretty rough around the edges with their jobs and being airborne but that does not mean they are unable to change!  I may not make a huge change but if I can get a few people to thinking about things differently and hopefully start using their voice to start a ripple of change.  Anything is possible.

Crisis averted and societal norms

FINALLY had my follow up about my mammogram and the surgeon is going to request an MRI, no needles at this time :) Whoohoo!  The worst part of this was waiting to know something.  Even now I don't "know" anything but talking to someone about the results and they were able to reassure me that I don't have anything to worry about!

I've been doing errands, trying to take it easy on my days off this week.  I actually work 5 days in a row starting tomorrow! There was a contract that was advertised for Tyndall AFB that I've applied for.  It would be full time, Mon-Fri, with benefits. I enjoy where I am at now but being on Tyndall would get my foot in the door, stability, and weekends off!

So I've made an interesting observation the other day.  Joe had some stuff he needed to trade into Kay's jewlry store and he wanted me to pick out some stuff.  Joe and I are committed to each other and we like how things are without having people get into our business.  My work peeps are already making comments about weddings and what not *eye roll*.  I've been wearing a ring on my right hand the whole time we've been together as a symbol to me of my relationship with him.  He's asked me about rings and I told him if anything he can replace the one that I have now.  So after picking out some beautiful diamond earrings and having more money to play with, we picked out a ring together and I wear it on my right hand.  Now, one would think any new bling would be noticed but no.  If it's not on the left hand, that the "proper" finger then nothing is said LOL  Our society is so programmed that only certain things are important.  By the way, in Germany they wear their rings on the right hand :P  
I have three rows of diamonds, not one big one that stands out but a nice band and to make it even better it's a combination of two different sets so it's not something one goes into the store and they see.  It's simple but slightly unique, kinda like our relationship :P  It's nice to find ways to keep our relationship truly ours and close to our hearts without the drama that comes from other people's opinions on how things "should be".
I see so many post and what committed relationships should progress to....engagement, marriage... and everything is posted and these big things are done to "share the love with family".  At the end of the day the love and the relationships is between those two people, why is it so important to bring other people into that relationship.  We are together, we love each other, we are still individuals and our family can and does accept this part of our lives due to our happiness but all the hoopla and having everyone in our relationship.  
Nope, we are good!