New job....eventually

new backyard, Red Rock

Life is crazy and if you don't fight where it wants to take you, it's not AS stressful.  A lot of BIG changes since last post.  I am now a LCSW as of February.  It happened quicker than what I projected because yours truly is not a math wiz and I was counting hours separately vs combined.  So TA DA here we are!  With that happening about the same time a lot of changes were happening in my work section.  My bad ass supervisor was scheduled to PCS in July and then our director got a job at the VA in Vegas and would be leaving around the same time.  Our awesome team was breaking up, which unfortunately happens and it happens more often in military type settings.  

Joe and I decided to enjoy one more summer in Alaska and then move out before winter.  Knowing how long government jobs will take to get hired onto, I decided to start job hunting and applying to government jobs (doesn't matter what state I'm licensed in).  I had already planned on flying Tux down to Vegas to be adopted by my brother due to all the traveling Joe and I were planning on taking.

A month or so prior to the Tux drop off trip, I get a call back from a contract company about a job at Nellis AFB, NV.  First off, Joe and I wanted to move to Vegas when we left Florida so we were focusing on the Vegas area due to other benefits that line up with our future goals.

This contract company moved fast!  I talked with the Capt I'd be working for and everything was lining up and they wanted me for the position but they needed me sooner than later.  So we discussed it and figured "why not".  When I dropped off Tux I told Chris and Anna we'd be neighbors and I'll cat sit whenever they need :). I got back to work, worked a week, out processed and we hit the road!

Our road trip to Vegas

All of our stuff fit in this trailer AND we had plenty of room for other stuff....*psst* we think we have too much stuff!

We saw so much beauty and animals this time, spent a couple of days with fam in Utah, and then onto Vegas.  We found a furnished condo to move in on 1 June and I had a start date of 20 May so we have been in an extended stay.  We got settled, did some touristy stuff, and them bam....got hit with some speed bumps.

Major speed bump....Nellis AFB is giving some push back on credentialing me as a provider, even though I'm an LCSW.  My start date is now up in the air, hell the job that I moved down here for is up in the air!  I was told by the contract company that there is a 50% chance of me NOT having a job. I do not gamble!!!!  If this does NOT go through I probably will NEVER work with a contract company again.  I understand that it is not the contract company that is causing problems but they need to have some better checks and balances to avoid having someone move across the U.S. for a job.  I should hear something this week about where we stand with this job.

Until then, I am getting all my paperwork ready to submit for a Nevada license.  There are a good amount of LCSW jobs in the area but I need that NV license so here we go, and of course all of that cost a stupid amount of money :(

We've had some smaller speed bumps that have popped up which make the big one even more frustrating.  This morning we found out that our condo, which we were hoping to move in on 31 May, won't be open for us to move in until 1 June so we need to find a place to sleep for one night now.  I am hoping I can just extend one night to where we are at currently.

Since we are staying in an extended stay I am utilizing the library for their wi-fi and printing services.  I went to one that was farther away the first time and I figured I'd go to the one closer today....interesting.  I am sitting at a table and there is a homeless lady next to me and she's been munching on chips, checking out cooking books, and having some low key conversations with herself.  Not bothering me at all. What IS bothering me is the elderly, decently dressed man at the next table over who appears to be staring at me and licking his lips on the regular basis.  HE is giving me more of the creeps than the homeless that are chilling in the library!  

I CANNOT wait to have my own space, a kitchen to cook in, my own printer, and a peaceful place to reset when needed. I need some sort of focus, routine, and get back to some more healthy ways.  Yes I can do all that living in a damn hotel but it will be a lot easier in our space.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming...

Words matter and an Army challenge

A couple of weeks ago I brought up a concern I had at work.  I've had a good handful of soldiers come into my office for behavioral health intakes and some for individual therapy.  I've heard similar reports from some of the soldiers of how there are a lot of jokes about suicide.  A week ago, I'm not sure what was different, but after meeting with a soldier and hearing their frustrations about this I brought up my concerns to our team.

I inquired if other providers have heard similar stories and threw out some ideas to begin to change the dialogue.  One person, and I've heard this from others, seem to feel it was an uphill battle stating "it's the culture" and then made a comment about the Air Force not have issues like this.  I snapped that the AF has their stuff just like other branches but stating that "it's the culture" doesn't mean we cannot try to raise awareness and start some change.

Things that I have heard from my soldiers is they will sit around and joke about suicide to the point of having conversations on how they will do it.  A soldier reached out not knowing what they should of done when a friend posted suicidal thoughts on social media.  This person was met with jokes, comments of "if they don't do it they are a pussy" and "they just want attention".  I imagined young soldiers having this conversation but NCOs were a part of it!  The ones that are charged with the responsibility of mentoring and leading!  My blood boiled at this.

Having been in the medical field close to my whole working life I am well versed in off color jokes and making serious situations light by jokes and sarcasm.  But suicide have been off the table for me, it's never been a joke.

When I brought this up to our team, another provider spoke up and stated that she's done training with one of her sections.  She has a training/outline for this already and she reported that she got great feedback when she did this.  She did a few separate pow wows, having a different presentation/training/talk with senior leadership, the mid level leaders, and the lowest rung of soldiers and each presentation was adapted to that group!  It was more of a dialogue and as she stated she wanted to educate them on how WE think as mental health professionals.  Why hasn't this been expanding outside of her units?!  
I don't know but one hold up that is coming to light are commanders that are not seeing mental health as a priority of their soldiers.  THAT is the big fight.

I am learning more and more about how the Army works, it's not making any sense to me but with more understanding it allows me to work differently.  For example in the AF when you say commander you are usually talking about a Maj or LtCol, or higher.  These individuals have a decent amount of time in service, some age on them, and should have a broader perspective on things...don't get me wrong I've been exposed to my share of incompetent AF commanders.  In the Army a commander is usually a CPT and I recently met with one in my office.  

Up until this week, in my mind, I kept thinking Army commander = AF commander.  A switch went off this week.  I had this AR CPT who just ended their command, AT 26 YEARS OLD!  Educated with a degree (most often that does not have classes on leadership or management of people) and a crash course in Army life/training. These young adults are in charge of other young adults to the point of ruining one's career, kicking them out, all levels of discipline!  So when when get a new commander and then one of their soldiers are suicidal, have to go inpatient, these young adults are either freaked out trying to figure out what they can do to help or they totally separate from the issue.  As I recently heard from a commander, "if they can't soldier they are useless to me".  

My mind shift went from Oh shit I have to call the commander to I have to call this commander and mentor him/her on how best to help this soldier.  I recently had a commander ask me "what do you think I should do" in regards to letting a soldier go on leave "even though he's failed a PT test".  I acknowledged his situation of having to think of the group as a whole, if he lets one person go under disciplinary action how that would reflect on others unable to go, but I also mentioned to take this soldier's whole story into account.... how has his performance been up until this failed PT test? is this a regular thing for him?  if he's been a stellar soldier up until this incident I, as a mental health profession, recommended he be allowed to go home for the holidays for his mental health.  This information was acknowledged and the soldier was able to go home!

I am older than these commanders by 20 years at time, more time in the military, and then life experience!  What a mind screw that is?!  Apparently I'm a professional and I may even be considered an adult.  When did this happen because I don't feel it at all?!  But with this "ah ha" moment.... I now have a different perspective on how to interact with Army commanders to where I can do the best that I can to help both the commander and the solider.

And one of my task to to help change how people talk about suicide.  I know I work with the soldiers that are pretty rough around the edges with their jobs and being airborne but that does not mean they are unable to change!  I may not make a huge change but if I can get a few people to thinking about things differently and hopefully start using their voice to start a ripple of change.  Anything is possible.