Words matter and an Army challenge

A couple of weeks ago I brought up a concern I had at work.  I've had a good handful of soldiers come into my office for behavioral health intakes and some for individual therapy.  I've heard similar reports from some of the soldiers of how there are a lot of jokes about suicide.  A week ago, I'm not sure what was different, but after meeting with a soldier and hearing their frustrations about this I brought up my concerns to our team.

I inquired if other providers have heard similar stories and threw out some ideas to begin to change the dialogue.  One person, and I've heard this from others, seem to feel it was an uphill battle stating "it's the culture" and then made a comment about the Air Force not have issues like this.  I snapped that the AF has their stuff just like other branches but stating that "it's the culture" doesn't mean we cannot try to raise awareness and start some change.

Things that I have heard from my soldiers is they will sit around and joke about suicide to the point of having conversations on how they will do it.  A soldier reached out not knowing what they should of done when a friend posted suicidal thoughts on social media.  This person was met with jokes, comments of "if they don't do it they are a pussy" and "they just want attention".  I imagined young soldiers having this conversation but NCOs were a part of it!  The ones that are charged with the responsibility of mentoring and leading!  My blood boiled at this.

Having been in the medical field close to my whole working life I am well versed in off color jokes and making serious situations light by jokes and sarcasm.  But suicide have been off the table for me, it's never been a joke.

When I brought this up to our team, another provider spoke up and stated that she's done training with one of her sections.  She has a training/outline for this already and she reported that she got great feedback when she did this.  She did a few separate pow wows, having a different presentation/training/talk with senior leadership, the mid level leaders, and the lowest rung of soldiers and each presentation was adapted to that group!  It was more of a dialogue and as she stated she wanted to educate them on how WE think as mental health professionals.  Why hasn't this been expanding outside of her units?!  
I don't know but one hold up that is coming to light are commanders that are not seeing mental health as a priority of their soldiers.  THAT is the big fight.

I am learning more and more about how the Army works, it's not making any sense to me but with more understanding it allows me to work differently.  For example in the AF when you say commander you are usually talking about a Maj or LtCol, or higher.  These individuals have a decent amount of time in service, some age on them, and should have a broader perspective on things...don't get me wrong I've been exposed to my share of incompetent AF commanders.  In the Army a commander is usually a CPT and I recently met with one in my office.  

Up until this week, in my mind, I kept thinking Army commander = AF commander.  A switch went off this week.  I had this AR CPT who just ended their command, AT 26 YEARS OLD!  Educated with a degree (most often that does not have classes on leadership or management of people) and a crash course in Army life/training. These young adults are in charge of other young adults to the point of ruining one's career, kicking them out, all levels of discipline!  So when when get a new commander and then one of their soldiers are suicidal, have to go inpatient, these young adults are either freaked out trying to figure out what they can do to help or they totally separate from the issue.  As I recently heard from a commander, "if they can't soldier they are useless to me".  

My mind shift went from Oh shit I have to call the commander to I have to call this commander and mentor him/her on how best to help this soldier.  I recently had a commander ask me "what do you think I should do" in regards to letting a soldier go on leave "even though he's failed a PT test".  I acknowledged his situation of having to think of the group as a whole, if he lets one person go under disciplinary action how that would reflect on others unable to go, but I also mentioned to take this soldier's whole story into account.... how has his performance been up until this failed PT test? is this a regular thing for him?  if he's been a stellar soldier up until this incident I, as a mental health profession, recommended he be allowed to go home for the holidays for his mental health.  This information was acknowledged and the soldier was able to go home!

I am older than these commanders by 20 years at time, more time in the military, and then life experience!  What a mind screw that is?!  Apparently I'm a professional and I may even be considered an adult.  When did this happen because I don't feel it at all?!  But with this "ah ha" moment.... I now have a different perspective on how to interact with Army commanders to where I can do the best that I can to help both the commander and the solider.

And one of my task to to help change how people talk about suicide.  I know I work with the soldiers that are pretty rough around the edges with their jobs and being airborne but that does not mean they are unable to change!  I may not make a huge change but if I can get a few people to thinking about things differently and hopefully start using their voice to start a ripple of change.  Anything is possible.

Busy Judged Bee!

Next month, this time we will be in Florida!  WOW!  This month has flown by with my trips up the east coast and more trips to squeeze in prior to moving!  Craziness.... 
Baltimore with Natalie was fun!  I had some firsts: raw oysters, cigar, and hookah!  We had a random night downtown where we just did and went where the night took us!  That's the way to experience randomness of a city :D

on the water taxi with downtown behind us

at our raw oyster place of the night! delish!

To add to the business of moving, Joe will be going to PA this friday to pick up his motorcycle...which will be more comfortable for me to ride compared to his current one! Sunday we turn around and drive to Panama City.  I have a job interview (high five) and we will check out apartments before heading back home where we promptly turn around and head out for our already planned visit of the NC mountains!  

I may have two interviews on Monday in FL, I need to call this lady back.... ugh  This second job isn't what I want to do but I do want a job and it's in my social worker realm.  It will be good interview experience for me even if I don't get or take the job.   I've been in NC and in this area for about 4 months, I've gotten NO bites on anything :(  but I'm not even in FL and I have two interviews.  There is a reason for everything!  Additionally, a Chief Joe knows has a daughter in the same field working in that area and I'm going to forward my resume her way and she's going to check out some areas for me!  WOW  Things like that remind me of how the military use to be back when I first joined in, more family and support!

It's amazing how half of the day can be negative and draining and then things can quickly turn around.  Yesterday evening is when the Chief connect happened.  Earlier that day I was judged while in Lowe's.  :(

I am not anti religion, I am anti organized religion especially if you are going to use your religion to tell me how I'm suppose to live my life!  I'm in Lowe's looking for something specific and an older gentlemen, who works there, strikes up a conversation with me and I ask him for assistance.  I was feeling good, just got my retired I.D. card!  Well, the  normal course of conversation he asked if I had any kids and I told him no, but I do have furkids ;) Next thing I know I'm being told that it's "god's will" that I have children to populate the earth. To which I pointed out that many others are populating the earth just fine and by me not having children will  not cause any imbalances.  He then said that "it's to impart wisdom" which I can do without birthing a child, I can help those in need through my work and my good deeds. Then he talked about when I'm older, having kids will ensure I'm taking care of.... first off that is NOT a guarantee and if I'm having children as a retirement policy that is the wrong reason to do that.   Then it was that god wants me to pass down my specific genetic code.  Ummm  I have not read the bible cover to cover but I do not think that god mentions genetic code anywhere in the writings.  :P  I went into Lowe's for an electrical outlet plate and I get questioned by a random man on MY life choices!  Do guys have these conversations? Would a male worker in Lowe's ask a male customer if he has kids and if not, well.... that's YOUR job to pass down your specific genetic code.  I need to work on my responses, after the initial question of "do you have kids"...if it progresses, I'm going to start questioning them.  

Do you ask all your customers about why or why not they have kids?

Do you tell them WHY they should have kids via "god's word"?

I don't know you, so I feel no need to discuss my personal life with a random man so thank you for your assistance.

Grrrrr

I was polite and didn't question his belief system, just responded to his reasons as to why I didn't feel the need to procreate.  I was respectful of his views and didn't condensed him, although he looked at me as if I was a silly "lost" girl, a female who had lost her way.... a female who had grown horns as soon as I said I am not having children.  If I said I couldn't have children as compared to a I am choosing not to, his reaction would have been COMPLETELY different.   

I left Lowe's without a wall plate AND feeling irritated and pissed.  Got home and ordered the wall plate off of Amazon, no judgement there!