Words matter and an Army challenge

A couple of weeks ago I brought up a concern I had at work.  I've had a good handful of soldiers come into my office for behavioral health intakes and some for individual therapy.  I've heard similar reports from some of the soldiers of how there are a lot of jokes about suicide.  A week ago, I'm not sure what was different, but after meeting with a soldier and hearing their frustrations about this I brought up my concerns to our team.

I inquired if other providers have heard similar stories and threw out some ideas to begin to change the dialogue.  One person, and I've heard this from others, seem to feel it was an uphill battle stating "it's the culture" and then made a comment about the Air Force not have issues like this.  I snapped that the AF has their stuff just like other branches but stating that "it's the culture" doesn't mean we cannot try to raise awareness and start some change.

Things that I have heard from my soldiers is they will sit around and joke about suicide to the point of having conversations on how they will do it.  A soldier reached out not knowing what they should of done when a friend posted suicidal thoughts on social media.  This person was met with jokes, comments of "if they don't do it they are a pussy" and "they just want attention".  I imagined young soldiers having this conversation but NCOs were a part of it!  The ones that are charged with the responsibility of mentoring and leading!  My blood boiled at this.

Having been in the medical field close to my whole working life I am well versed in off color jokes and making serious situations light by jokes and sarcasm.  But suicide have been off the table for me, it's never been a joke.

When I brought this up to our team, another provider spoke up and stated that she's done training with one of her sections.  She has a training/outline for this already and she reported that she got great feedback when she did this.  She did a few separate pow wows, having a different presentation/training/talk with senior leadership, the mid level leaders, and the lowest rung of soldiers and each presentation was adapted to that group!  It was more of a dialogue and as she stated she wanted to educate them on how WE think as mental health professionals.  Why hasn't this been expanding outside of her units?!  
I don't know but one hold up that is coming to light are commanders that are not seeing mental health as a priority of their soldiers.  THAT is the big fight.

I am learning more and more about how the Army works, it's not making any sense to me but with more understanding it allows me to work differently.  For example in the AF when you say commander you are usually talking about a Maj or LtCol, or higher.  These individuals have a decent amount of time in service, some age on them, and should have a broader perspective on things...don't get me wrong I've been exposed to my share of incompetent AF commanders.  In the Army a commander is usually a CPT and I recently met with one in my office.  

Up until this week, in my mind, I kept thinking Army commander = AF commander.  A switch went off this week.  I had this AR CPT who just ended their command, AT 26 YEARS OLD!  Educated with a degree (most often that does not have classes on leadership or management of people) and a crash course in Army life/training. These young adults are in charge of other young adults to the point of ruining one's career, kicking them out, all levels of discipline!  So when when get a new commander and then one of their soldiers are suicidal, have to go inpatient, these young adults are either freaked out trying to figure out what they can do to help or they totally separate from the issue.  As I recently heard from a commander, "if they can't soldier they are useless to me".  

My mind shift went from Oh shit I have to call the commander to I have to call this commander and mentor him/her on how best to help this soldier.  I recently had a commander ask me "what do you think I should do" in regards to letting a soldier go on leave "even though he's failed a PT test".  I acknowledged his situation of having to think of the group as a whole, if he lets one person go under disciplinary action how that would reflect on others unable to go, but I also mentioned to take this soldier's whole story into account.... how has his performance been up until this failed PT test? is this a regular thing for him?  if he's been a stellar soldier up until this incident I, as a mental health profession, recommended he be allowed to go home for the holidays for his mental health.  This information was acknowledged and the soldier was able to go home!

I am older than these commanders by 20 years at time, more time in the military, and then life experience!  What a mind screw that is?!  Apparently I'm a professional and I may even be considered an adult.  When did this happen because I don't feel it at all?!  But with this "ah ha" moment.... I now have a different perspective on how to interact with Army commanders to where I can do the best that I can to help both the commander and the solider.

And one of my task to to help change how people talk about suicide.  I know I work with the soldiers that are pretty rough around the edges with their jobs and being airborne but that does not mean they are unable to change!  I may not make a huge change but if I can get a few people to thinking about things differently and hopefully start using their voice to start a ripple of change.  Anything is possible.

Hippie

According to dictionary.com:

Hippie or Hippy

noun

1. a person, especially of the late 1960s, who rejected established institutions and values and sought spontaneity, direct personal relations expressing love, and expanded consciousness, often expressed externally in the wearing of casual, folksy clothing and of beads, headbands, used garments, etc

This past week I was called a hippy.  This wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last I'm assuming.  The cause of my "label" was a reusable sandwich wrapper so I'm not using zip lock bags.  

I immediately felt defensive, like being called a hippy was a bad thing.  Think about it... how does society view "hippies".  When you hear the word hippy what comes to mind? For me it brings up people in their own little world (which I was accused of as a child), not really going with society norms (check), not getting upset about a majority of things...not bad things but then you get the hippy that lives in a commune, free love, pot smoker, in sandals, flowing garments, not bathing on a regular basis.  And TODAY hippy usually is paired up with liberal, granola cruncher, Subaru driving (I do drive a Subaru), give handouts to everyone.... need I go on?

I saw my defenses go up and I felt I had to "prove" I wasn't THAT bad of a hippy.  I mean I do shave my legs regularly!  But after this whole interaction I thought about it more and there are worse things I can be label as, but is hippy really that bad?  

It's a label, a word, that does not truly define me.  I am not one thing over another.  I am a complex person, just like we all are, and I'm not confined to one label.  Yes I do what I can to lesson my impact on this earth, recycle when I can, and try to make good choices because everything I do has an impact.  I realize I do not live in a bubble.  

I struggle with labels, even as a social worker and I have to diagnose someone.  Sometimes it can be freeing to know that the reason you think and feel a certain way can be explained by a mental illness but then what?  I've seen people use their diagnosis as a tool to empower themselves to get better where as others have used their diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse to continue with their ways.  I struggle with my own labels and I have to wonder WHY do we have to fit into a box or fit a certain mold to be understood and at times accepted?

The whole thing is crap!  Be true to yourself and don't focus on what you'll be labeled as and on the other side of that coin stop assigning labels to other people!  As soon as you do,  you put them in a box with your assumptions on how that person thinks and acts.  Which could result in loosing out on knowing a really amazing human being.

Yes, I have hippie tendencies...I also have liberal AND conservative tendencies and according to others that have labeled me I am: cold hearted, warm, loving, resilient, bitch, snobby, grounded, depressed, relaxed, anxious, kind, introverted, adventurous.....

In a moment, in a day, in a week... we are so many things.  We grow, we change, we interact with situations as they come, we are fluid and adaptable so why would we focus so much on what we are labeled or what we label other people?

Be open to yourself and others! Live big and take "labels" as they truly are, a snapshot of that moment, a highlight of one part of you as a truly remarkable human being that is adaptable and open to new experiences.