a year of change

     So there is a lot going on in 2015 for me.  I started out-processing the military today and will finish up in May.  I will be officially retired on 14 Aug 2015!  I am graduating with my MSW on 8 May 2015.  I am ending my internship at the Vet Center on 22 April...and then it's moving on to something new.

     Not only is there a lot of things coming up for me in the future, I have a lot of change and growth in the last few months.  I have grown as a person and now understand how selfish I have been in past relationships, that I was never all in.  No relationship can grow and be true if individuals are not focused on the "us" and are not all in.  Yes it's taken me almost 39 years to figure this out, and multiple broken hearts, but I finally feel like I'm in a good place....with me and the path that I'm on.

     I am open to the "what ifs" and the "why not" in life, I am going to have more yes than  no in my dialogue.  I don't want to look back on my life and regret not taking a chance or making a move so 2015 is going to a wonderful year of challenges and new experiences.  

     I have two more weeks of school... a lot of stuff to do and then I will be done.  Time to start a new chapter of my life!

Back To School...

I'm two weeks in and I'm still looking for my "groove".  Currently I am doing my practicum/internship at the Vet Center on Monday and Tuesday from 7-6.  I'm going to be changing that schedule due to other things in my life.  I have two classes on Thursday and Friday, and a class that is online.  So currently I have Wednesday off for errands and homework.  Having that day off in the middle of the week is weird but nice.  Two days of work, one day off, two days of classes and then another two days off.  Nice schedule huh?  It's weird and I think it's one of the reasons why I'm struggle to find my "groove".
Currently Codi is living with us because on Monday he ships out to Marine boot camp.  It got moved forward because other people bowed out and no longer wanted to be a Marine.  Codi said these folks were paying attention to the news and the thought of shipping out to a war made them rethink their decisions to join.  Which is good, because the last thing the Marines need are people who have issues with being sent to war!
My classes are interesting.  My concentration is Forensics, apparently the therapist that work with court mandated clients or work in the criminal justice system are called "hug-a-thugs"  I thought that was cute :P  What surprised me is that Forensic Social Work is not really a "thing" just yet.  Even within our school it's been a struggle to be seen as a thing.  My one teacher had a domestic violence client come to the school so his class could watch a therapy session through a one way glass and he had to explain and fight for this with the Dean.  Apparently once the school found out that he was bringing in a DV client into the school all hell broke loose in regards to him "bringing in a violent criminal".  WOW!  Kinda takes away from what social work is founded on, helping those in need!  He eventually won his case and was allowed to bring that client in.
Another one of my classes is Law and Social Work and is taught by a Judge.  She's pretty interesting and I don't remember any of my Civics classes being so engaging!  Or maybe I just wasn't interested at the time :P
I'm also taking a class on ACT-Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.  I feel as though I'm going to be more of an empowering therapist and ACT is going to be a nice tool to have in my tool chest.
I haven't started seeing clients at the Vet Center yet :( Still waiting on computer access.  I am enjoying talking with one of the volunteers, he's an old Army helicopter pilot and he's interesting. I've sat in on a few therapy sessions with the other therapist.  There are two psychologist at the Vet Center and they are both pretty nice. I asked about what dictates a client see a psychologist as opposed to the LCSWs and I was told nothing.  At my last practicum the psychologist that would come in was not so cool, I never even formally met him and according to the other therapist he wasn't very user friendly.  So that's been a nice change.  I'm hoping when I show up on Monday I'll have computer access.  I'm going to be starting a support group for medics, we'll see how that pans out.  I think there are two groups that I need to run or work with while I'm doing my practicum.
My life is back to reading, homework, and work.  It's crazy to think that in April/May I'll be done and graduating with a Masters!  Go me :D

Two Weeks to Go!

     Only a couple of more weeks until my first year in the MSW program is over!  I cannot believe that I'm practically half way through the program.  I ended with my practicum the other week.  I was happy to end my time there.  It was a good experience but I was ready to be done.  Next year I'll be working at the Vet Center with combat vets.  I'm excited for the experience but I realize that it will probably be harder for me than this first year.  I had a few interviews for next year's practicum.  I interviewed at the prison, which would have been an amazing experience (but both Shane and my Dad were hoping it wouldn't pan out), the Vet Center, and the VA.  I never heard back from the prison but the Vet Center called me back the very next day after the interview!  I thought it was a great interview because they had a dog there!  I was able to sit there for the first half of the interview petting this sweet dog!  I think that should be a requirement for interviews ;)  The interview at the VA went well too, even though there was no dog.  They actually called me back and offered me a slot but I decided the Vet Center would be a better fit.  I struggled with the decision but after talking to some people that work at the VA, they even said I made a good decision!  The VA is so BIG, and the red tape.... I want to be able to learn and grow in this practicum.  I am worried about showing up, shadowing another therapist and then sent on my own way like I was this first year.  I feel that the Vet Center will be more intimate of a learning experience!  Plus the intern office had a window ;)
     During the summer I'll be working with my guard unit.  Our programs need work and I have an opportunity to get orders.  We are in a transition and we are bringing online a new inspection program so I'll be busy.  It will be good and the pay will be nice.  The practicum I just left offered a job and talked to me about working with them but the pay won't be nearly as much as doing orders!
     Shane and I have some big changes ahead of us!  Shane is retiring in June and around that same time we are moving downtown SLC.  I'll be close to next year's practicum and school.  We are excited.  We are close to the park where they do the big farmer's market and Shane's excited to be near Squatters :P  We have a lot of downsizing to do and get the house on the market.  Codi recently moved out, which was exciting for him but at the same time an adjustment.  





     

Back to school and work

I started my second semester of my MSW program yesterday.  It was a hybrid of the first day of school and something oddly familiar.  Familiar faces, a couple of new teachers, and some new students that I didn’t have classes with last semester.  Our first class consist of the whole cohort for lecture.  I have my usual seat in the back row.  I’m not a fan of being in the middle of all of those people or sitting in the front row with all those people behind me.  I like to make a clean get away if I need too because more times than not the teachers get going and we don’t get a break (I have some classes that are 3 hours long).  No bueno with the no breaks in the morning after my coffee… just saying.  Sitting in lecture before class, catching up with some people, two other classmates start talking about their grades.  One female was discussing how the teacher didn’t give her participation points so she emailed him and took her A- to a solid A giving her that 4.0.  These girls went on to say other students did the same thing, asking the teachers about participation points.  I sat and listened hoping they wouldn’t look to me and talk about grades, me with my wimpy 3.95 GPA. 

I thought I was going to get a B in one of my classes, so when I saw that I got all A’s with one A- I was stoked!  The thought to look at my grades, my point break down to ensure I got all my points possible didn’t even come to me.  Is that weird?

I started thinking after that grade encounter a little less of my GPA.  Then I realize the crappy ways we, as humans, are so critical of ourselves.  We are so quick to compare ourselves to others.  We are NOT others, we are who we are with our own strengths and personalities.  I am not them.  I had a good first semester.  I did the best that I could and I am happy with my 3.95 GPA!

I started back at my internship.  They were happy to have their free labor back.  As soon as I walked in I was bombarded.  I had two clients scheduled and a group to run, which I knew about prior to being at work, and I wanted to review the clients charts and get a topic for my group.  I was handed the payment book, then handed the phone message book and told who to call back, and then asked to warm up a client’s coffee.  Do I look like a freakn’ secretary?!  Ugh… I did most of what was asked but then settled in the back and started doing a little of what they asked and more of what I needed to be doing.  There was a mentor at this internship but she got a new job and left.  The good ones usually don’t stay where they are taken advantaged of and I don’t blame her for taking this new job.  Now, we are just unpaid labor with no real guidance.  I see clients and do my best to help them.  I tried talking to the other therapist to get some insight to how to best work with my clients and even run my group but usually don’t get much in response.  So I do my best and log my extra hours doing research. 

I met with a client for the first time in individual session on Monday, he’s been in my group so I’ve interacted with him before but I was surprised by our first session.  He spent most of the short time (he was late) talking about religion and spirituality.  He feels that due to God he has gotten clean and that he is tested daily.  When I spoke to one of the other therapist about this individual, their first response was to go to a personality disorder and asked if I gave him a mental health screening sheet?!  I said no and that I felt that he was struggling with who he is.  He stated in session he didn’t think he’d live this long and his goal was to make it in the gang life with drugs and girls.  Now he is clean, he has a legit job, his own place and seems to be floundering in life.  He has been raised by the state with his incarcerations and troubles with the law.  Anyone would struggle with who they are if they always identified with and had a criminal mind.  I do not see that as a personality disorder.  It has seemed to me that in this practicum the therapist, most of them (there is only 3 on staff), are quick to diagnose and label a client.  I have a problem with that, and I hope that I always will while I work in this field. 

Sometimes it is hard not to take things personal or be hurt if not part of the "fun" crowd.  Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me but then again.... I'm pretty happy who I am and where I am in life.  Unfortunately it is hard to relate to people my age because I'm not married and don't have kids, I can't really relate to people younger for obvious reasons.... this isn't to say I can't be comfortable and have an enjoyable time with these people there is just not that "friend connection".  So, I try not to take perceived snubs as personal and I just do what I need to do.  There are two younger girls that I spend some time with on the train down to school and I work with one during my practicum.  Yesterday the teacher brought in some chocolates and both of them didn't take one.  I asked if they wanted one and they were like "no we're getting married"  um.... in like 4 months AND both of these girls are skinny!  I don't get it.  

Anyhoo it's back to the books.

FALL BREAK!!!!!

WHOOHOO! It's fall break time!  To make it even better I don't have twenty million papers to write, well... nothing more than usually and then there are the two midterms.... still have my practicum....but I have a break from classes :D
It's been about a month since my last post and not much has gone on besides school, school work, maintaining the house, and my internship.  I'm still enjoying my classes.  They are pretty engaging and it seems so fast past.  When doing my undergraduate degree, even with a full class load, it didn't seem so much like I was drinking from a fire hose!  Then there is the internship.
I'm trying to apply my class work to my internship but we are still on the basic foundations of being a social worker, along with the DSM V which they are not using at my internship.  I just feel like I'm always on, always engaged with some aspect of this education.... this fall break = brain break!  
I had my first legit one on one with a client on Monday.  I'm not sure how it went, I thought it went o.k. but the "goal" of this meeting is to get a treatment plan for this person and they responded with the "I don't know" when asked about what they want to focus on.  It's not like they have nothing to focus on, she has a basket full of things that we can choose from.  One of the things they focus on in our class is that we start where the client is at, if the client is focus on being overwhelmed returning back to society then that's what we need to focus on... even though I think we need to focus on her numerous past trauma which has resulted in PTSD.  I will slowly take over the Substance Abuse group, well... not really slowly, the therapist ran the group this Monday, next Monday I'll run it while she sits in, and then the following Monday I fly solo!  ACK  This group really likes the current therapist so I have big shoes to fill, and there was at least 1 client in the group that was really vocal on his feelings on the change :(  Oh well.... it will be fine.  Some of my classmates have been seeing clients since they started, others have been utilized as secretaries so I feel that I'm somewhere in the middle in regards to the work I'm doing and that works for me.  Granted I still think it's a stretch that during our first  year we are already seeing clients!  We don't know what the hell is going on!  
I'm still struggling with feeling like I belong in regards to my classmates.  It's hard for me to relate and just recently, I feel like I was totally snubbed by this one girl.  It's hurt and it's frustrating that people still act like we are in high school but whatever.  I'm not at school to get the most popular girl award, but it still hurts either way.  
I signed up with the NASW.  It's cheap for students and I get discounts on training that they give so I figured it was a good thing to go ahead and start with :D

I did attended a training on the new DSM V, and it was interesting to look around and think "these people are going to be my colleagues"  :D

Halloween is around the corner and I haven't put up 1 decoration  yet :(  I have the stuff available but just haven't done anything yet!  That's another thing I need to do this week!  Shane and I did go costume shopping, we have a Combat Dining out to attend and it's a costume part too!  We are going as zombie bride and groom!  Should be fun!  

Well, I got laundry to attend to, studying to do, and I need to get something to eat!

End of Week Three

I still feel as though I'm keeping my head above water.  I have yet to figure out a good balance between my personal life (up keep of house/laundry/relationship), school work, and my internship!  There is so much reading.  I'm writing a minimum of 1 paper a week and it's going to be bumped up to 2 a week here shortly, don't even ask me how many papers I'm reading on average!  I have 7 books for my 6 classes and a lot of teachers have you read articles/essays/watch movies/etc.  I'm enjoying most of my classes.  There is one that is torture to sit in, basically lecture style, but we have group assignments/presentations starting up soon so that should break that torture!  There is SO much to learn and I'm drinking from a fire hose!

My internship is no different.  I'm blessed in that the person I spend the most time with loves to teach, she is a fountain of knowledge and we have a lot of conversations on practicing Social Work.  There is so much and I want to do right by the clients that I will eventually have.  I'm still trying to figure out my foundation and I'm leaning toward the Humanistic foundation, big surprise right?!  I'm still learning about all the foundations out there, but that one speaks me to more than the others.  We will see where I will be once I start working with clients!  

Last weekend, Shane joined me for an evening lecture about "Atheist In Foxholes" given by the president of MAAF (Military Assoc. of Atheist and Freethinkers).  It was pretty interesting it was about bringing awareness that the military is not just your mainstream religions and that society puts out messages like it's unAmerican to be unChristian and what does that tell nonChristians serving in the military?  Military members can put Atheist on their dog tags but you cannot put Humanistic, it's not an option.  I asked if I could put Spiritual on my dog tags just a year or so ago and I was told I could put Atheist, well I'm not an Atheist so I just put something :(  People that are Atheist or Humanist don't have a venue for their belief to where they can talk with like minded people.  You can request a Wiccan service so why is there such a block on Atheist being able to meet with others to talk about their views?!  Pretty interesting stuff.  One statement that really stuck with me was when the speaker said something to the effect of: Evangelism is cultural suicide.  Think about that!

Shane is in MO right now for his niece's wedding.  I was suppose to go but with my internship and work it just wasn't good timing :(  I'm looking forward to pictures!  Being home alone this weekend has been relaxing and I've been able to get a lot done but I'm missing my man.  Sami has been limping pretty bad all weekend (been carrying her up and down the stairs).  She was out front and it seemed as if some boys were teasing her by riding their scooters in front of her.  By the time I got outside they were down the street and Sami was limping :(  It seems to be getting better but if she's still limping pretty bad then we'll be going to the vet tomorrow.  

I'm still using my essential oils.  I just put in my last big order, from now on it's going to be an oil here and an oil there.  With no real income coming in I need to keep and eye on that :(  I did buy their vitamins and I'm looking forward to try them out.  I've been doing pretty better on maintaining that part of my healthiness routine.  I was doing well with maintaining my T25 this week.  It's a new day, so I'm not going to focus on that!