Back to school and work

I started my second semester of my MSW program yesterday.  It was a hybrid of the first day of school and something oddly familiar.  Familiar faces, a couple of new teachers, and some new students that I didn’t have classes with last semester.  Our first class consist of the whole cohort for lecture.  I have my usual seat in the back row.  I’m not a fan of being in the middle of all of those people or sitting in the front row with all those people behind me.  I like to make a clean get away if I need too because more times than not the teachers get going and we don’t get a break (I have some classes that are 3 hours long).  No bueno with the no breaks in the morning after my coffee… just saying.  Sitting in lecture before class, catching up with some people, two other classmates start talking about their grades.  One female was discussing how the teacher didn’t give her participation points so she emailed him and took her A- to a solid A giving her that 4.0.  These girls went on to say other students did the same thing, asking the teachers about participation points.  I sat and listened hoping they wouldn’t look to me and talk about grades, me with my wimpy 3.95 GPA. 

I thought I was going to get a B in one of my classes, so when I saw that I got all A’s with one A- I was stoked!  The thought to look at my grades, my point break down to ensure I got all my points possible didn’t even come to me.  Is that weird?

I started thinking after that grade encounter a little less of my GPA.  Then I realize the crappy ways we, as humans, are so critical of ourselves.  We are so quick to compare ourselves to others.  We are NOT others, we are who we are with our own strengths and personalities.  I am not them.  I had a good first semester.  I did the best that I could and I am happy with my 3.95 GPA!

I started back at my internship.  They were happy to have their free labor back.  As soon as I walked in I was bombarded.  I had two clients scheduled and a group to run, which I knew about prior to being at work, and I wanted to review the clients charts and get a topic for my group.  I was handed the payment book, then handed the phone message book and told who to call back, and then asked to warm up a client’s coffee.  Do I look like a freakn’ secretary?!  Ugh… I did most of what was asked but then settled in the back and started doing a little of what they asked and more of what I needed to be doing.  There was a mentor at this internship but she got a new job and left.  The good ones usually don’t stay where they are taken advantaged of and I don’t blame her for taking this new job.  Now, we are just unpaid labor with no real guidance.  I see clients and do my best to help them.  I tried talking to the other therapist to get some insight to how to best work with my clients and even run my group but usually don’t get much in response.  So I do my best and log my extra hours doing research. 

I met with a client for the first time in individual session on Monday, he’s been in my group so I’ve interacted with him before but I was surprised by our first session.  He spent most of the short time (he was late) talking about religion and spirituality.  He feels that due to God he has gotten clean and that he is tested daily.  When I spoke to one of the other therapist about this individual, their first response was to go to a personality disorder and asked if I gave him a mental health screening sheet?!  I said no and that I felt that he was struggling with who he is.  He stated in session he didn’t think he’d live this long and his goal was to make it in the gang life with drugs and girls.  Now he is clean, he has a legit job, his own place and seems to be floundering in life.  He has been raised by the state with his incarcerations and troubles with the law.  Anyone would struggle with who they are if they always identified with and had a criminal mind.  I do not see that as a personality disorder.  It has seemed to me that in this practicum the therapist, most of them (there is only 3 on staff), are quick to diagnose and label a client.  I have a problem with that, and I hope that I always will while I work in this field. 

Sometimes it is hard not to take things personal or be hurt if not part of the "fun" crowd.  Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me but then again.... I'm pretty happy who I am and where I am in life.  Unfortunately it is hard to relate to people my age because I'm not married and don't have kids, I can't really relate to people younger for obvious reasons.... this isn't to say I can't be comfortable and have an enjoyable time with these people there is just not that "friend connection".  So, I try not to take perceived snubs as personal and I just do what I need to do.  There are two younger girls that I spend some time with on the train down to school and I work with one during my practicum.  Yesterday the teacher brought in some chocolates and both of them didn't take one.  I asked if they wanted one and they were like "no we're getting married"  um.... in like 4 months AND both of these girls are skinny!  I don't get it.  

Anyhoo it's back to the books.