Moving along....

I can't believe this year is almost over!  I also just got an email from my boss saying that I'm hitting my 90 day marker so I will have my evaluation right after the 1st!  Just the other night Joe and I were talking how it feels as if we've been in Florida a lot longer than we have and then I look back on this year and damn, I've been busy!

First off Sami is amazing and has the heart of a puppy.  She is still struggling but she's still moving about and her spirit has lifted with her adaptations.  We met with the vet this past weekend and we put everything out of the table in that we are not going for "heroics" in regards to Sami's care.  We are going to maintain her quality of life as much as possible and when that goes then it's time to let her go.  The vet was great and was supportive of our view on the situation.  I was worried that she would want us to get test done to confirm if it's DM, or do extra stuff...but she's seen a good amount of dogs and she said even if it's not DM but, let's say, a tumor on her spine there is still only so much we can do.  We probably won't board her anymore due to how bad she was when we picked her up, I think the activity was just too much for her.  We haven't figured out what we are doing for Christmas and New Years yet, I am working Christmas Eve and Day but we will be taking Sami with us wherever we go!

Joe is off on a TDY back to New Orleans, I know...hard life, and I'm holding the homestead down and even though I'm off of work this week I got my "to do" list.  Thursday I am meeting with someone at the Red Cross so I can volunteer with their Crisis Disaster Team.  I'm nervous but excited.  I tend to have some down time and the job front isn't as busy so I guess I'd do some volunteering.  I also got a book club that I joined and will be attending the first meeting this weekend!

Joe had his annual work Christmas Party this past weekend and it was actually fun.  We got dressed up, I got my hair done, and I must say....we are a good looking pair!  

The following night we had dinner at the American Legion. Joe works with some guys that are members there and they have cheap drinks LOL  They have a great set up, nice patio area where they will have live bands, and for this time of the year a really nice fire pit!  They are doing a toy run next weekend and I'm not sure if we're going to do that or not.  There is always something going on around here, and we are looking forward to the summer to get a lot of beach time in.  After the holidays I think we are going to get some beach cruisers so we can ride bikes to the beach or to brunch :)

This is at my work on the desk by the communal computer and I will read it off and on, it helps remind me of what's important with my work!

Work has slowed down but I'm getting some individual clients so that makes it so I get at least 2-3 days a week.  They did send me to Eglin AFB for so training, which I am grateful for! More tools to utilize with my clients :)

I am truly blessed in life and as much as I want to be lazy again, I need to get going on my "to do" list!

I took this photo of Sami because she has been struggling getting up in her beds but she got in with no issues the other night! :)  Love her to pieces!!! 

Business of reality and struggles

As a social worker I expect to hear stories that make me question humanity.  Working with military I expect to hear the stories and struggles of war but yesterday I heard stories of the war that is going on here in the U.S.  We see it on the news, the fighting in the streets of cities and children being killed but it's (for most of us) not a part of our reality.  A client spoke of his childhood, at 13 years old he saw a "friend" shoot a man in the face over some money that was owed. They ran and this client never told his family and just dealt with seeing that trauma.  He didn't see his "friend" until he was older and it was scary for him and eventually this "friend" ended up in jail.  This client then went on to talk about all the murders that happened in his neighborhood, a kid was stabbed numerous times and help took 2 hours to show up because the area wasn't safe.  This is just one person's childhood in the U.S.  
We are living in a world where some people don't understand the finality of death, it's a way to handle a minor dispute. Then we have our soldiers coming back from war scarred and fractured because of the things they have had to do.  I find myself struggling to help them.  Life is hard I tell them, it sucks and it will beat you down, but they have the strength within them to persevere but THEY have to do it.  As a therapist I can give them all the tools that I can, we can talk about things, process them and get to a good place but THEY have to do the work and THEY have to maintain a practice to keep moving forward.  
A majority of the guys struggle with the "why" of life, they stumble around looking for hope for their future, they want answers and a reason for things.  I think they are surprised when I tell them more than likely they won't ever get an answer to their "why" that will satisfy their question. Why did a teenager shoot another person in the face over some money?  What answer could be given that could possibly put one's mind at ease for clarity and closure?  Any answer given will just produce more a string of Why?

I am a big pusher of being present and building one's awareness of self.  It's a struggle at times but it helps to keep one calm and reality centered.  Some people latch onto this practice, I have one client that is soaking it in like a sponge, but others still want answers, they want revenge, they have to understand..... the concept of just being able to control one's self is an absurd thought.  I will continue trying with these individuals, finding a place to meet them to allow them to let go of some of their toxic baggage.  We have a little under 20 clients on the unit now and I wish I could interact with each one and help them as much as I can but I don't have the capabilities or the time which in itself is a disservice to their care.

This past weekend I took Sami girl in for some shots.  The vet place I go to has a handful of veterinarians and each time I've gone Sami has met with a different one.  They all have been nice and good with their job but each one had a different view on Sami.  In Utah I noticed that Sami's hind legs were not working as well as they should.  She would get the Bambi legs on slippery floors and struggled to get them back under her. Over the months it has gotten slightly worse.  Before we moved to Florida I had her shaved and normally her coat will grow back rather fast, she is still looking shaved and it's been about 3 months.  She's had some skin issues and in N.C. the vet brought up cushing's.  I had some test done with neg results, oh, her liver enzymes are off too...  We get to FL and I do a test a Cushing's and to check her thyroid and everything checks out.  I'm thinking she's going to be 12 in 2016, she's getting old so all this stuff is par for the course.... 
This Saturday the vet brought up the possibility of degenerative myelopathy (DM).  She did some quick checks on Sami's back legs and based on her lack of reaction she feels as if it's a neurological issue and not something else. I looked up DM and a little over 50% of pem corgi's can suffer from this.  It is not painful but over time she will gradually loose function of her back legs.  The vet brought up the future use of a wheelchair.  Reading numerous websites they state the progression to be 6 months to a 1 year before the dog is a paraplegic.  If Sami does have DM and I recall seeing this start in Utah we are around 7 months into this progression. Needless to say I came home and cried.  Then I thought about the wheelchair thing, and my gut is a strong no!

I love Sami, she is such a blessing to me, but she is still a dog that deserves a good quality of life.  If she cannot walk and looses her independence what will that do to her spirit?  In this day and age we want to extend people's lives and our pets but at what cost?  I found a facebook page that is a support group for owners whose dogs have DM.  I see a lot of post of people who are struggling with their dogs, they have the carts for them, but this disease doesn't stop at their hind legs.  It progressively moves up their body where they loose control of their bowels, get increase UTIs due to issues and then eventually loose motion in their front legs.  Why would I want to keep Sami around when she can't move without dragging herself and then will be laying in her own waste until I clean her up and a lady post about trying to express her dog?!  Will Sami know what is going on with her?  I'm guessing not!  I am crying just typing this, knowing that I will have to put her to sleep.  I have been hoping that Sami would just go in her sleep with her old age :P  It's going to be hard...but I have more time with her.  She struggles but she is still very capable of making it around the small block in our apartment.  I have her on some meds for her other stuff and we'll keep pressing on until that day comes.  She's a trooper!

I had some other news this past weekend but am still processing it and am not at liberty to share what it is. Life is constantly changing and I'm trying to utilize my therapy guidance of not forcing answers, not looking for reasons I will never understand or be content with....