Life and death

Life is a series of beginnings and endings.  We don't acknowledge these little beginnings and endings, we just get floored when the endings include death or a breakup...but every day in the grand scheme of things is a beginning and an ending.  Some people have more than others.  As a military brat and member, we move a lot which means a lot of new places, new jobs, new people.... but that means we also leave those same things.  It's sad, sometimes we miss those things but those experiences are all a part of me and make me who I am.  Which brings me to my Sami girl.

I'm struggling with the decision to put her to sleep.  Do I wait until she can no longer walk, when she can longer relieve herself?  That can be a slow drawn out process and her depressed days are becoming more frequent.  Due to my need for research and reading about things before making decisions I of course headed over to google and did a search on things to think about when making the decision. 

Shout out to rainbowsbridges.com for having a simple website (nothing fancy there) but they have amazing words and support for people who have lost pets are are making the decision.

I am going to cut and paste the last paragraph...
This is really what the "quality of life" issue is all about. By usurping nature's role throughout the life of our pets, we must sometimes also accept its role in determining (and bringing about) the death of a pet. To accept this, we may also have to accept that, in some cases, the quality of life we're really trying to protect is our own: That we're allowing our pet to suffer out of a desire to avoid the anguish we know that we will experience when it dies. And that, ultimately, is the most unselfish act of love we can offer: To end a pet's suffering, we must choose to accept our own.

That last sentence really stuck with Joe and I.  I know I'm being selfish by justifying and making arbitrary lines in the sand on when we will make a decision but it truth it's just me hoping for more good days than bad.

So I'm going to call the vet today and just get an understanding of the protocol of when we do make the decision to send her on her way, what will I need to do.  I don't want to figure it out when we are in the midst of it.  My heart is so heavy with this but I know it's something that needs to be done and I need to put Sami first and her quality of life!

With death there is life... it's a new year for new beginnings. One of my new beginnings or some would call resolution is to learn to play the uke.  I need a hobby and I've been thinking about this for awhile so this year it's more getting out of my head and following my gut on what I want to do in life.  I will miss have Sami hang with me while I learn to play but she'll be with me in spirit until the end of my days.