Bittersweet New Beginnings

I'm slowly getting my bags unpacked, and stuff cleaned and organized back in the apartment. It's bittersweet in that this wasn't the "plan" but what it is, is what it is. There is a reason for everything. Whether it be to give me a kick in the butt to realize some of my other mistakes, or to force me into totally just living my life... who knows?!

Looking back on my blog it feels as if I've been in Hawaii forever, unfortunetly not in a good way. I moved out here January 2008! I'll have my bachelor degree May 2010, which was my goal moving out here, so that's good. I have sent off two resume's this past week. May is just 6 months away!

I'm learning to have faith in myself, to trust myself, and to listen to my gut. I've followed it and the outcomes hasn't always been rainbows and puppy dogs, but in taking chances and being true to myself I'm strengthening that part of me.

January is just around the corner and with it another year. I usually do my resolutions then, and review my past ones then... but with this starting over aspect of my life I figured to do it a month early.

be more earth friendly still doing good with this, all my shower stuff is organic and eco friendly, I ride the bus or walk as much as I can, I use re-usable bags, i use my own water bottle instead of buying water, and being back in town I am going to try and use the farmer markets more, i try to be aware of what I'm buying and the packaging of the products, I try to eat local and don't eat a lot from fast food chains.... so bit by bit I'm doing better

stay focused on my goals still plugging along at school, was just accepted into the Alpha Sigma Lambda Honor Society :), so the new goal for the next year will be to become gainfully employed. i am also focused on getting myself back in order, mentally and physically.
... thus exercise more and eat healthy!

be happy ummm... yeah this is a total work in progress. some days I'm happy, others... not so much. but I have a kick ass therapist that is helpful, so this is defiantly a carry over for 2010. part of this is to do things for ME! Not for other people, I need to do what makes me happy regardless of what other people think or say. I need to have patience and faith in the process also...

not jump into relationships too fast I'm just not going to comment on this one for the past year. I have no regrets, everything happens for a reason and according to my therapy, we get into relationships for a reason, there is something that we are meant to learn from them. I asked my therapist if I was destined to be a serial dater then... always getting into a relationship for whatever reason I may not be aware of at the time and when that "need" is filled I move on, or my low tolerance for disrespect and other things prompts me to call it off? Is there that one person that will be my balance through my journey and I through his journey's, is that possible? My therapist said yes. Relationships work when there is communication, and respect and when both people can travel on their paths separate but yet together in growth. I have hope and faith that I will find that person, or better yet, that I will get a second chance with that person...

live in the moment/don't fret about the future this is a struggle every day now. Especially with a degree being finished and needing to find a job and living off of $2000 a month in Honolulu with $1250 going to rent.... I MUST LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

I need to just BREATHE!

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. Agatha Christie